tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6918105604270007470.post1357473474864700126..comments2023-10-09T15:47:14.355-04:00Comments on And you may ask yourself-well...how did I get here?: So JadedStarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18241931590875029855noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6918105604270007470.post-67334836618273634392010-07-16T11:43:48.545-04:002010-07-16T11:43:48.545-04:00I get what you are saying. A lot of people try and...I get what you are saying. A lot of people try and remind me that God has a special purpose for me and that there is a reason for everything. But, then again... what was John's purpose? To die at age 25? He still had so many things to accomplish. I know he could have served a stronger purpose. Now people have told me his purpose was to help others realize how special life is... blah blah blah. REALLY?! So, John had to die so you could appreciate YOUR life more? How lovely. What a great plan. I constantly have a jaded feeling. And his death has made me feel more fragile than ever. Sometimes when I close my eyes to sleep I wonder if I will wake up in heaven just like he did. And it still scares the shit out of me. <br />I don't understand it at all. I am still completely perplexed.Autumnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01309299074271755923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6918105604270007470.post-62086179947750027382010-07-16T00:00:04.682-04:002010-07-16T00:00:04.682-04:00I do the same thing too. I've ended up "j...I do the same thing too. I've ended up "jokingly" phrasing it along the lines of, <i>If I stepped out the door and got hit by a bus.</i> With the financial planner, primarily, but also with other people when referring to the unpredictability of mortality. Because I <i>don't</i> just assume that I'll live to be a crotchety, old lady.<br /><br />I'm afraid you're normal, Star...normal considering the circumstances, that is. =) Everyone else is often just too scared or uncomfortable to think about the slightest possibility that they might die. For better or worse, it's not a fear I have now. Dead? Okay, fine, whenever it happens. Personally, I'd prefer to be 85, die in my sleep, and live a long, full, happy (enough) life before then...but mostly, I just hope I don't die young enough to scar poor Anna for life. And I totally freak out internally at the thought that I might have to ever survive the death of my daughter too. <br /><br />And you know how you were talking about paranoia recently and worrying about people dying? I had my own paranoia moment (make that about 20 minutes) yesterday when my mom showed up late to meet me. Fortunately I had Anna with me, but she was running about 15-20 minutes late and I knew she didn't have their cell phone with her (my dad had it), and I was paranoically fearful that she'd had an accident in the 45 minutes since I talked to her. Yeah, still happens...five years A.D. I still totally hate that reaction in me too, btw. Blech. <br /><br />Good for you for taking care of this estate task for you. I got my will signed 3 months (to the day, I think) after Charley died, when I was still in productive/automaton mode. But I regularly think there are some things I'd like to change, but it's not worth the effort, yet. Kudos to you!Candicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com