#463

Some days I get really angry at the universe.
And beyond the normal grief reasons.
Beyond the normal car accident and widow reasons.

Simply for the reason that I feel like I was tricked.
Roger was my friend when we first met.
I was happy with him being my friend.
I loved him being my friend.

And then after two months I feel in love with him.
And for the next three years I fell further and further in love with him.

Then he was ripped away from me.
After I let him in.
After I become attached.
The universe took him away.

Some days I feel angry that I let myself fall for him.
That the universe put him there.
That somewhere someone knew this would happen and they let it happen.
It was an evil trick.
Like giving a child a game which was they were okay with but then the parent added more and more cool accessories to go with the game.
And once the child was addicted to the game, the parent burned it while laughing.

Ugh...

P.S.

This is a side note to today's previous post:

One person mentioned to me one time before the accident I should be careful because God may take all of this away from me.

I was not a gloating person.

I would not have boasted at the reunion.

If anything, I would not have said much at all.

I would have just been me.

I would have been happy.

And uhmm, I am sorry but I cannot believe that for one minute.

I was not ungrateful or undeserving.

I went through a lot of crap in my life.

Why should I always suffer?

Why should I always get the shit end of the stick?

If God is my father then why would a father do this to his child.

Sorry... I really do not think God works that way...

Yeah... a bit of a tangent that still burns me.

Ugh!!

I am sure that person never thought I would lose my husband.

But still...

I cannot believe God is like that.