And she hit the nail on the head.
I am thinking a lot about my next wedding.
I actually had a nightmare a few nights ago.
Not that I am anywhere close to having another wedding.
But... I cannot help but think.
To think what if.
To wonder what it will be like.
To have nightmares.
To plan, again.
As long as the man is worthy, I will marry again.
I want to marry again.
I want to wear the dress.
Walk down the aisle.
Eat the cake.
Dance the night away.
But... I know it will be hard.
I know the planning will remind me.
The first time I planned a wedding.
The first time I picked flowers.
I know that this new person will have to be heavily involved.
I had my day.
I had pretty much everything I wanted.
I dread the influx of memories.
I know they will be there.
I know the grief monster will be there.
I do not know how I will be able to not think about Roger.
About our day.
About our marriage.
I know there will be lots of tears.
I also wonder if anyone will be brave enough to say something.
Either privately or publicly.
Will someone mention him?
Will someone be brave enough to say something to me?
Will someone remember him?
I kind of hope so.
At least that is what I hope now.
I hope that I will not be the only one remembering him.
Thinking of him.
I also know that I will be a mess on the sixth month anniversary.
The one year anniversary.
And especially on August 22nd.
Luckily, I am not crossing these bridges today or tomorrow.
Or even next week.
I have time.
At least I think I have time...