Or worse, do not do things because they pity me.
Is a friend afraid to say they hate me?
That they do not want to be my friend anymore?
Maybe say yes to a personal time but then never follow-through because it is too hard to cancel?
I am afraid my friends only stay my friends because of grief.
That they do not want to push me over the edge.
That they do not want to cause me any more pain.
Then I wonder:
Do people get tired of my Roger stories?
Do people get tired of me bringing up widowhood?
Do people get tired of me blaming things on grief?
So then I almost try to stop talking about all the bad stuff.
To make others more comfortable.
Because I feel sorry for them for having to stay my friend.
I feel pity for them!
I am so afraid of people not saying things to me because they do not want to upset me.
Not telling me how they truly feel.
And I fight this feeling over and over again.
I am not sure how to stop this paranoia.
But it is driving me crazy.
To me, Roger's death is still very fresh.
Yes, as I wrote earlier, time has passed but it does not mean grief is over.
A lesson I have had to learn over and over again.
My request for my friends and family, please be honest with me.
Do not pity me.
Please, please do not pity me.