Friday, April 16, 2010


I know every person who has ever lost anyone says: "This is unfair" or "Life is unfair" or some similar sentiment.
And this post is not directly related to my grief but it reinforces that feeling.
I feel like I am angrier because of grief.
Because life has been unfair to me.

Back in 2005, when I decided I had to quit my traveling consultant job, I tried to find a new job in New York City where I was living at the time.
I looked at Monster, Career Builder, and some other sources.
Every job I found that would work for me wanted a bachelors plus experience.
I had the experience.
But not the bachelors.
"Oh, you do not have a bachelors you cannot even apply."

It made me feel like I was subpar.
Like something was wrong with me.
Like I was not smart enough.
Like I was not good enough.
Like my experience, my core values, my work ethic, my entire being was not good enough.
I knew that given the chance I could have done any of those jobs amazingly.
But they would not give me the chance.

In November 2008, after Roger died and I decided I would return to school full time, I enrolled at University of Central Florida.
I thought, "I will finally have my bachelors.  I will finally be with the other 'good' people of the world."
And I erroneously thought, "People who are in college have similar core values and work ethic as me."

Unfairness strikes again.
People in college are not good people.
At least the sixty percent of them I come in contact with.
They cheat on exams.
They cheat for money.
They cheat for bonus points.
They cheat for their friends.
They cheat and cheat and cheat believing as long as it is helping themselves or a good friend it is okay.

People in college are lazy.
I have been involved with so many group projects with four people where two of us did all the work.
Despite complaints to the professor, they get away with it.
They get a good grade too.
And sometimes a similar grade as me.

So being a good person in life or in college does not pay off.
They will get their piece of paper.
They will have a bachelors.
They will be deemed "good" by potential employers.

Life is unfair.
The good guy does not always win.
The hare wins.
The hare wins despite what they tell you.

1 comment:

Supa Dupa Fresh said...

Friend, I'm sorry you've had so much contact with cheating young people. There is a lot of that in the world and you shouldn't have to see it, especially when you are in a stage of life when you can contribute so much to your schoolwork.

And it's so wrong that at your tender age you've already been cheated out of so, so much more by forces much larger than those kids.

But their cheating doesn't reduce the amount you've learned in class any more than your loss reduced the tremendous love you and Roger had. What's in the heart and mind can't be taken away by the careless, cruel or unethical acts of others -- your learning and your love are part of you.