Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Surreal

Last week as I was standing in my internship classroom, I had this almost woozy feeling.
I looked around and almost had to pinch myself.
This intense feeling of surreal-ness came over me.
It was palatable.
I almost felt faint.

I could not believe for about two minutes that this is my life.
Me? Standing in a classroom?
Becoming a teacher?
How did this happen?
Is this real?
Is this the dream?

Simply three years ago I was just about to get married.
My invites were just sent and I was anxiously awaiting RSVPs.
I was working in computer software design.
Going to all day meetings about project statuses and software implementations.
If I go back a little further, ten years ago I was working as a pharmacy technician.
Working in a hospital filling IV orders and learning how to make chemotherapy.
And here I am now. Becoming a science teacher.
And now I am doing photography.

So many things have changed.
My life is no where I thought I would be.
It is a weird feeling not to be in the spot you think should be.
For life to change so quickly in so little time.

I know I am not alone in this feeling but sometimes I look at some of my friends who have been in the same job for years.
Or married to the same person for long periods of time.
Do they reflect back?
Did they think their lives would be dramatically different yet they are not changing?
Do they feel this surreal-ness?

Then I flash forward.
Where will I be in three more years?
Where will I be in ten?
I almost hope it is predictable and something like married with kids and teaching with photography on the side.
I just hope I can stop feeling like a revolving door of life.
Just a little predictability would be nice.
Just a little.

3 comments:

Janine (txmomx6) said...

Me, too, Star. Me, too.

Jen said...

Star~

I completely agree with you. I look around and think, "This is almost NOTHING like I thought it would be!"

My next thought is, I wonder if my parents, etc. feel/felt the exact same way. I also wonder if there is anyone care free enough that never really laid such a specific plan out for themselves, and are pleasantly surprised with each new twist and turn?? Is that person called a free spirit?

Well sign me up then, cuz I need some of that! I sure wish I was less of a planner and more of a free spirit. I think the expectations would, in turn, drop some.

When you said, what is going to happen in the next 3? I wonder that too.

After my daughter's accident, I have to say, it was so out of my control freak hands that I did relax a lot, and kind of have been with the attitude anything goes (in some areas, not with her recovery) but it has been quite freeing, and nice.

Take Care,

Jen

Ferree Bowman Hardy said...

It's pretty amazing, isn't it. Life's surprises. Sometimes I worry more about the people who think they can control it. Or I feel kind of sorry for them.