I removed all the wedding photos from their frames and from the walls and replaced them.
It was hard.
It was sad.
It was nice to look at the pictures and remember the day.
But also sort of annoying that it is over.
And not just the wedding day but that time and chapter of my life.
The honeymoon pictures came down as well.
Remembering all the fun times.
Remembering how I freaked out one night at dinner when I realized I was actually married and marriage is forever and found myself crying in a bathroom.
That little moment only lasted about fifteen minutes when I realized I had married a wonderful guy and it will all be okay.
There is only one picture left hanging.
It is of Grace, Roger, and his mom from the first weekend I met the majority of Roger's family.
It is a 4x6 in a collage of pictures.
Which will be moved in time to my office.
For now, it is in the family room.
I can glance at it when I want but since it is in a collage it is surrounded by other friends and family photos.
Now, I am not sure what to do with all those photos.
I am thinking of putting them all along with the candid shots that I took out of other frames into an album of sorts.
But at the same time I almost do not want to spend the time.
Why should I?
So they are just grouped together?
Will I ever feel good enough to flip through them without longing to go back?
For things to be different than they turned out for us?
To sit and look at him and not believe that he actually died?
I mean, Roger, of all people?
How can he be gone?
All the photos are off the walls.
Gone like him.
Then I removed some more of his decor.
Replaced it with my photography.
In my bedroom, I changed out my duvet.
Changing up the bedroom just a bit more.
It looks nice.
It looks different.
It all looks different without him.