Wednesday, August 26, 2009

As I Approach the Year Mark...

Since the burial was in Miami this past weekend, I spent the nights at my lovely sister-in-law's house.
It is getting a little easier being there without Roger.
It feels like a second home of sorts.
A place I can grieve with those who lost him too.
I have more memories of being there without him now.
And although random stories and memories flood my memory when I am there, it is easier.
At least it was this time.
At least it was with these memories.
At least a little.

Since there were a few other guests in the house, I was in a different bedroom than usual so as I was getting ready for my shower on Saturday morning before the "event" I noticed a few things.
It is not that I have not been in this room before.
I have been in it a quite a few times over the last three years.
But there was one thing that I had not noticed before.
A small bulletin board.
It had a collection of items hung up on it.
It looked like a memory board.

The bulletin board reminded me of Roger.
A picture of boxing gloves.
A card about the Dali Lama.
A note about being a great sister (I assumed Roger had given this to Grace).
And one small poem that really touched me.
I read it about three or four times over the weekend.
It was a good reminder.
About life.
About death.
About plans.
About goals.
About dreams.
About reality.

[The crazy/weird thing is Grace did not make this bulletin board for Roger.
It was a about her.
It sometimes amazes me how much alike they are/were.
Clara, their mom, was saying people how close they were as children.
It made me even more sad for Grace to lose her best friend and little brother.]
The poem just kept resonating inside my head.
Once I got home I wanted to read it again.
I wanted to remember exactly what it said to me.
And as I approach the year mark, I wanted to read this over and over again.
It mimicked something that one of Roger's uncles said to me on Saturday after the burial:
"It is done. It is over. It is time to move forward."

And here is the poem for all my other widow sisters and widower brothers.
Maybe it will help someone else too.

"Follow your Destiny, Where ever it leads you.

There comes a time in your
Life when you realize that if
You stand still, you will remain
At this point forever. You realize
That if you fall and stay down,
Life will pass you by.

Life's circumstances are not
Always what you might wish
Them to be. Rather than
Wondering about or questioning
The direction your life has
Taken, accept the fact that
There is a path before you now.

Walk your path one step at a
Time. Keep your head up, and
cast your dreams to the stars.
Keep your belief in yourself
And walk into your new journey.
You will find it magnificent,
Spectacular, and beyond your
wildest imaginings."

By Vicki Silvers

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