Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Unplanned Flashback

Two blogs post in one day...
This hasn't happened for a while.

"Something has happened" were not the words I expected to hear this morning during the first period of my student teaching day.
My supervising teacher and I were not sure what to think.
What could be happening.
Then eventually the news came.
One of the popular, sweet, smart students had died.
A student I had just watched that morning on the [prerecorded] announcements.

Then I saw.
Their pain.
The teachers' sadness.
I wanted to help.
I wanted to relate.
But how much is too much?
Where is my place in all of this?

The news spread.
I watched as students broke down.
My heart breaking for them..
Remembering my own heart break.
My questions.
My fear.

I want to stop it but I cannot.
I want to protect them but it is too late.

It is not fair.
It is not fair for kids to know this at their age.
For God's sake, they are only fourteen at the most.
It is too early for them.

Then I think of the parents.
The siblings.
Thinking of them as they lay down tonight.
As they go throw the roller coaster of grief.
So unnatural.
So unfair.

I blocked the tears most of the day.
Most.

3 comments:

Autumn said...

I am so sorry to hear Star!
:(
What happened?
I think that's when I experienced my first death...middle school. A kid I did morning announcements with actually. It's a totally different world when you are younger. I hope that you can provide comfort for those students... which I know you will. Love you

Hira Animfefte (Xera Anymphefte) said...

(((HUGS)))

Crash Course Widow said...

I'm so sorry to hear this, Star. It's so hard to watch as their safe, secure world crumbles for the first time. The same (or at least similar) thing happened when the girls found out in the middle of dance practice that one of the girls' fathers had just died in a car crash. Yes, the news was hard and sad to hear, but watching them as they reacted was the worst part. And unfortunately, I had to eventually realize that the news--and watching them--did affect me more than other people, because of Charley. That part really sucked, because I didn't want to--yet again--be different from everyone else again. The dad's funeral was impossibly hard to get through, too. I've now gotten smarter about going to funerals...meaning, in general, I won't go, even if a part of me want to. They're just too hard to make it through, for someone who died young and unexpectedly.

Much love and hugs being sent your way, Star. xoxo