Monday, February 7, 2011

Ten Years or Six Months

A few weeks ago one of my family members asked me if I would have another wedding.
I started to say "Yes, since Roger and I were only married six months but if we had been married ten years..." when this person said, "Yeah, it would have been harder to move on if you had been together ten years."
I interrupted them.
"No, it is not that."

Obviously I will never know what it would be like to be widowed at ten years of marriage to Roger.
I pray to God I never ever know what it is like to be married ten years then widowed.
But for me, it was more about my future and plans were gone.
I never had a chance to have Roger's babies.
To plan anniversary trips.
To decorate our house together.
To fight about how much money to spend on Christmas.
To get to the point where we finished each other's sentences 100% of the time.
And that among other things was so hard.
I never even made it to my first wedding anniversary.

Would Roger and I have been closer after ten years?
Yes!! Absolutely.
But was only being married six months then widowed or being married ten years with all those plans completed worse??
I don't know.
But I am shocked still that people can think this road is easy because it was only six months of marriage.

Oh people...

5 comments:

Boo said...

I call them the "untouched". They are clueless, just like we were once. I wish we still were.

I totally "get" what you're saying tho, and you are very right. The pain is the same whatever.

Janine (txmomx6) said...

Star,
I was married almost 25 years .... and I wouldn't even think to compare your pain to mine. We both lost half of ourselves, our best friend .... and our dreams of the future.
That's nothing to compare .... by anyone.

Jill Schacter said...

I am reading your blog for the first time. I lost my husband after 15 years together. I can't imagine how horrible I would have felt being ripped apart in those ecstatic, thrilling, early months of marriage. I am sorry that you were.

Supa Dupa Fresh said...

Honey, people are just clueless. Once on my REGULAR FB I asked "what do you think would be the worst part of losing your partner?" and the responses were pretty.... just "off." They had no idea.
Lucky, huh?

nmrsmc08 said...

I was married 2 years 7 months when I became a widow. I think each loss is different and comes with different pain.