Hate. HATE. HATE!!!
It makes me think that my "memories" are not always in my mind.
That my thoughts of Roger are far away.
That widows/widowers ever can push their dead spouse "down" somewhere.
Unfortunately/fortunately some part of Roger is in my mind every day and almost every minute.
I cannot escape thoughts of Roger, our friendship, our dating history, our wedding, our marriage, the accident, and/or his death.
Nor do I want to.
I want to remember everything forever.
Someone was recently talking to me about New Years Eve.
I mentioned how I am not looking forward to it.
How I do not do well with that holiday.
And especially this one.
When they responded with the comment, "I am sorry to bring up memories."
Followed by complete silence on their part.
No, time does not heal this.
Not at all.
If I can "preach" anything to anyone, it is this:
In time, I am learning to cope.
In time, I am learning to live.
In time, I am learning to have hope.
In time, I am learning to keep moving forward.
But time does not make me heal.
The wounds are still very real.
So when I talk about Roger or our life or anything.
It is not bringing anything "up".
It is just me letting a person inside my head.
Inside my thoughts.
And the best feeling is when others think of him and bring him up.
Absolutely the best.