Wednesday, December 9, 2009


Widows and widowers are everywhere in movies.
Many times as a minor character that is hardly noticed.
Except when a widow or widower watches the movie or show.
I notice my society members all the time.

And there are some movies I try not to watch.
Knowing there is a really sad story about a widow or widower.
Or I know that I will cry a ton.
Like I will not be watching "PS I Love You" for a long time.
Or "The Notebook".

But tonight, I must be a glutton for punishment.
Or just need to feel not alone in my feelings.

As a teen, I loved the movie "Ghost" like most girls my age.
I even owned the soundtrack.
One of my uncle's bought it for me as a Christmas gift when I was in middle school and I watched it over and over again. [I am not sure what happened to my copy of the soundtrack or the VHS.]
The sexy Patrick Swayze.
The cute Demi Moore
The love story.
Some action near the end.
Cheesy special effects.

I cried almost every time I watched.
Not ever knowing how close it would be to my own life.
Not knowing how I would one day relate to Demi Moore's character.

I had not watched since Roger's death.
Mostly because I have avoided most movie channels until recently and secondly because I knew the story way too well.
And I knew I would definitely cry.

Tonight I arrived home after a day of errands.
Tired but yet not ready for bed.
So tired but just not wanting to lay down until exhaustion sets in.

I flipped on the television.
Nada on my usual go-to channel, HGTV.
A rerun on my next channel for mindless TV watching, Food Network.
So I look toward the next channel on the list, TLC but on my way there I see "Ghost".
I could not not watch.
Halfway through the middle but I started to watch it anyway.
And the tears started to flow almost instantly.

I know how "Molly" feels.
The shock.
The cops.
The anger.
The not wanting to leave the house.
The "I love you" regrets.
The not understanding.
The feeling things were just beginning.
The feeling of everything was perfect.
The feeling that it cannot be over.
The longing for one more contact.
To touch Roger.
To talk to Roger.

And then at the end of the movie the bad guys get what they deserve.
The goblins take them away to what I think is probably hell.

I hope the other driver gets taken away by goblins.
I hope shadows jump up and take him away.

Now it is playing again.
An encore presentation.
Like my life too.
Like a ghost haunting me...


Suddenwidow said...

I was recently drawn to watch that movie on T.V. Same situation, nothing else on, and I couldn't not watch it. It's amazing how I sat glued to the T.V., bawling my eyes out and really seeing the movie in a whole new light now, now that I really get it. It was also extra sad at the end because of course now Patrick Swayze is dead, and I cried extra tears for his widow. It's amazing how being a widow makes you look at life with a whole new set of glasses. Glasses that we'd rather rip off our heads...

Mars Girl said...

Don't watch _What Dreams May Come_. After my husband died, someone thought it would be a movie I'd really like. Ha.

Roads said...

You're right -- there's so much death and bereavement in the movies, and yet we never realised it before.

The Hollywood version is very different from the reality, though. And that's something I really wish that people would realise. It's not romantic to lose a spouse. It's really really not.