Back in September, I met Mr. X's parents.
I was nervous like in a normal way.
The way I assume most people get when meeting their person's parents.
But they are nice people.
I like them.
I have seen them on several occasions.
Mostly at their house for dinner.
But then...This past weekend I invited Mr. X's parents to my house.
For dinner at my house.
And I guess I was nervous in a normal sort of way.
But there was another element.
Another weird feeling in the pit of my stomach.
It was strange to have someone else's parents in my house.
My boyfriend's parents were coming to my house.
In the house Roger and I bought together.
Yes, it is my house now.
Yes, I am comfortable here and I do not plan on leaving this house so I need to get used to this.
But it is a strange feeling.
Very strange feeling.
I do not have many pictures of Roger up anymore in public areas.
Only one 4x6 in a collage frame in the family room.
As to not be so obvious.
But to still be there.
To remind me of a time when things were simple.
But I do have lots of my Cuban family up.
And my mother-in-law.
Mr. X's mom loves photos like me.
And when she arrived at my house Saturday she was looking at all the pictures I have up while dinner was finishing.
So as I was showing her around and showing her my photos she asked a question:
"Oh, who is that?"
I could not think of how to word it without simply saying "My mother-in-law."
To me she will always be my mother-in-law.
But eventually I will have a new mother-in-law.
At least I hope.
Mr. X's dad was also looking at some of the photos.
I wanted to explain the significance of one of the babies in my photos.
Roger's cousin's baby.
There is no way to explain except to say "my husband's cousin's baby..."
I guess I could say "Roger" but I try not to say his name to Mr. X or to people who did not know him.
Weird thing for me.
Even more odd than having them here in my house was saying "my husband" and "my mother-in-law" to them.
I am not sure what other terms to use for them.
Roger will be always be my husband.
My mother-in-law will always be there.
But I am not sure what to call them.
To Mr. X, to his family, and to others.
Because I do hope to have new husband someday.
Not tomorrow, but someday.
"My ex-husband" does not fit.
"My dead husband" sounds morbid even though I am okay with that term.
"My former husband" sounds weird.
And weirder is "my first husband".
It makes it sound like have many husbands.
Ugh... any ideas are welcome.