Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Fear

Recently I have been scared.
Actually, I guess more like paranoid.

As the weather has warmed up, and summer is officially here.
As August creeps closer.
I keep thinking someone is going to die.
Someone I love.
Someone I care about.
Someone close to me.

And not in a normal way.
In a car accident specifically.
There is blood usually.

I do not feel paralyzed by this fear but if someone is late.
Or I do not hear from a friend.
It is my first thought.
They are dead.

I am especially scared of Mr. X dying again.
Ugh...

2 comments:

Crash Course Widow said...

Even after 5 years, I regularly become paranoid about something happening to Anna (primarily) or other people I care about in my life. For better or worse, I imagine it's just the burden that comes with surviving this crap...or at least I have no idea how to make it stop permanently. But I can say that it does get better over time; my paranoia now is more of a reflex than a gut-wrenching paralysis like it was so many times.

And with it coming up only a little over a month before the 2nd anniversary, it's not surprising at all that it's increasing again.

Wishing you some peace for a while....

Hugs,
Candice

Wii Fit & A Bet said...

Last November I had a very dear friend die in an accident as well, we have kids that are the same age, and I know that I go through the same thing. Something *bad* is going to happen I can *feel* it. sigh.