Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Just A Phone Call

Okay, so Roger is dead.
I get it.
I understand I cannot see him again.
No more snuggling.
No more hugs.
No contact.
I cannot be the traditional wife anymore.
I (somewhat) accept it.

But...

I just want to call him.
Tell him about school and share how close I am to finishing.
Share some of my accomplishments.
Tell him about our friends and catch him up on their lives.
Tell him about his friends.
About all the new additions.
And some recent losses.

I want to email him my photos.
Get his feedback.
Talk about my business plans.
Get his advice about it.

I even want to tell him about Mr. X.
As crazy as that may sound.
If I cannot be with Roger, I want him to be part of my life.

It is a yearning that cannot be quenched.
I am longing for this connection to him so bad.

If only...

5 comments:

Suddenwidow said...

It makes complete sense to me. Once someone has been your best friend, soul mate and soft place to fall it is difficult to go through life not being able to talk to them. Sometimes I can't believe I can't talk to him about the most mundane things, and especially about the big things. I sure get it.

Janine (txmomx6) said...

I am SO with you.

Wii Fit & A Bet said...

I find myself having conversations with my friend, Bethany, who died last November, all the time. Her husband buried her in TX and we live in MD and so I don't have a spot to go where she is. I try and make do...maybe I can convince him to plant a tree or something so I can go and talk to the tree.

Mars Girl said...

I totally get this, Star. Me too. Even 9 years later, I still wish I could talk to Mike my life, the things I've seen in my travels, and the current news... We used to talk about everything and I really wish I could get his feedback on some things. If only there was a phone number for the afterlife... (if there is one).

Autumn said...

I totally get this. Sad thing is I still send text messages to John. I don't know when I will ever stop this habit... I just feel like he can read them. But I have often felt the need to call him up and tell him what's happening in my life. Although most of it is due to him being gone.