Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Meeting the Family

Last week I was super nervous about the weekend visit to Miami to have Mr. X meet Roger's family.
Mostly concerned about those closest to Roger including his mother.
Anxiety was also met with excitement.
I cannot even describe the feeling of home when I visit my given family in Miami.
My heart feels filled.
I am surrounded by people who love me and care about me.
And we all loved Roger.
That feeling is the best medicine in the world for heartache.

So combining my life and love of Mr. X with my Miami family was very important to me.
I know it is not a traditional family of marriage and extended family but I do not want to give up my Miami family for anything.
Life is complicated.
Family is complicated.
But this family is one gift from Roger I hope to never lose to traditional family standards.
No matter what people may think or say or gossip about.

So as we pulled into the driveway, my heart started to beat faster.
I thought, "Here we go!"
Worlds colliding!

The first night was at first emotional.
Roger's mom was overwhelmed.
She started to get a headache from her nerves.
Mr. X conversed with her in her limited English but she did laugh some and was her silly self as usual.
But we needed backup fast.
I called Roger's aunt, "Can we come visit?"
"Sure, come on over."

After four glasses of wine, introductions to Roger's cousins, aunt, and uncle, everything was good.
Mr. X, as usual, quickly adapted to the new situation.
He made the family laugh.  He laughed at their jokes.  He participated in their sarcasm.
Comments were made to me that they liked him.
Of course, one cousin had to make "the" speech:
"Take care of her.  She is our family.  She is our cousin for life."

Second day, we did errands with Grace, Roger's sister, and jokingly Grace and Mr. X alternated with "I like you", "I used to like you", and "I don't like you."
Roger's mom was impressed with Mr. X's Cuban coffee and love of Cuban sandwiches.
"Are you sure you aren't Cuban?"

That night Roger's aunt made me his favorite meal-marinated turkey meat with potatoes and rice.
It is so yummy.
And I was craving it bad.
It was delicious as usual and I got to share Roger's favorite food with Mr. X.

Third day was filled with a big family event.
Most of the family was coming to Roger's aunt's house for lunch.
Mr. X met a lot of Roger's cousins and aunts and all the little children that ran around.
He helped set up the event (lunch with that many people is always an event) and break down.
People were impressed.  "He helps!"
When we were leaving, Roger's mom, sister, cousin, and myself were in the car.
Mr. X was still chatting with people inside.
I had to chuckle.
He had known some of them for a few hours and at most some of them for forty-eight hours.
Yet he was still inside giving hugs and talking.

Overall the visit was a success.
We both were invited to come back anytime.
Worlds colliding went well.

Sigh... some relief.


Jen said...

I am so happy it went well. I can't even imagine the amount of rampant anxiety.

I think the fact that you are able to blend, combine, or mesh the family dynamic is such an amazingly beautiful thing.

You have come so far to all who are out here watching (thanks for sharing by the way). The best part of it, you have done it in your own time, and in your own careful way.

Very impressive :o)

mjhogan53213 said...

That is great Star. We have heard far too many stories of families not accepting when the widow begins to move forward (not move on) in her life. I was fortunate that Irene's late husbands family welcomed and accepted me after only a little hazing! LOL We still often get together with Bob's sisters and they are very involved in the kids lives.

Crash Course Widow said...

Hooray, and congratulations that it went so well!! I'm so happy for you (and Mr. X).

I've always thought that I'd explain it to any future Mr. Serious Boyfriend to consider Charley's family like my step-family, minus any dysfunctionality. They're my family too, regardless of Charley's death, so Mr. Whoever would have to approach it like splitting holidays, vacations, etc., between two sets of parents. Never had to test the theory, though.

Been thinking of you as you pass the accident milestone this week, with the death anniversary almost here too. Hugs, my friend. Many wishes for peace this week.

Autumn said...

i am glad it went well, Star.
i dread the day where this happens for me.

but its something i wont have to worry about for awhile.
i love you and will see u tmrw.