Sunday, October 31, 2010


In 2006, on Halloween, I proposed to Roger.
His favorite holiday. My second favorite holiday.
He was a wizard that year.
I was a photo booth.

Four years ago today.
It is so hard to believe.
And it sucks.

I ended up canceling my annual Halloween party.
A lot of people could not make it.
A lot of people never replied.
It is just a lot of work to do for a few people.

So sadly it almost feels like just another day.
The costume I planned for almost a year goes into the filing cabinet.
I did throw a quick one together to give out candy to the neighborhood kids.

Mr. X was really sweet and did get down all the Halloween stuff from the attic.
The porch is all decorated thanks to him.
Sadly, the other three huge storage containers are sitting in the living room almost filled with the indoor decor.

I will do the party next year.
Even if it is for me and a few friends.   

Roger & me 2006

Halloween 2007


Crash Course Widow said...

I thought of you last night and wondered if you did the party again this year, how it was for you. I'm sorry it didn't work out this year.

Rituals and traditions are such a mine field in widowhood. Sometimes it's great, helpful, healing, feels normal, etc. to continue the old pre-death rituals. Other times, it's better for the old ones to fade away and new ones to take their place. But it's so hard to know what to maintain and what to relinquish. I wonder over the years which way your Halloween party will fall.

Charley and I didn't ever really have any strong couple rituals. He wasn't very social, and we didn't have "couples friends." All we did usually was get together with one of our sisters and their husbands for dinner or game night, or spend time with our immediate families. Once we had Anna, we preferred to stay home with her. So there weren't any rituals, parties, or traditions to miss...a loss I still lamented at times.

Thinking of you, and so thankful for Mr. X for picking up what he can. Good man there. =)


Deanna said...

I thought about you as well. Your parties over the years inspired me to have one of my own. It went well. How I would have loved to have had you here. Thinking of you tonight. Love you.