But it feels like most people expect me to be done.
Its been 10 weeks. That's like 70 days. 1,680 hours. 100,800 minutes.
That's plenty of time for most things for most people.
But not grieving.
They expect the old me which according to things I've read won't be coming back.
They expect me to be over the grieving process since they are starting to move on.
But even though I'm not crying in front of everyone, doesn't mean I'm done.
Roger was my everyday life.
He wasn't just the guy you saw once a year at special conferences.
He wasn't just the cousin you see once every few months.
He wasn't just the friend you saw once a week.
He was my in and out day to day.
Maybe its my fault for being so strong.
People think they can't let go of holding me up.
But please don't leave me yet.
I still need you all.
Please don't ask me "how are you doing?"
or "How are you?"
Especially in that weird condescending voice.
I hate that weird condescending voice.
The blog "Crash Course Widow" which I read regularly is a lot like me.
She was 27 when her husband died.
He died suddenly in a freak accident.
And they hadn't been together long.
Even about the same time of year.
And our birthdays are a few days apart.
She is three years into widowhood and she's still not 100%.
She considers herself still in the grief process.
She even says year 2 was harder than year 1.
With the holidays quickly approaching, please don't let go of me.
Don't stop the prayers.
Don't stop asking for lunch or dinner.
Don't stop inviting me places even if it is all couples attending.
Try to remember what holidays/ordinary days matter to me.
I still need you.