Thursday, November 13, 2008

Roger changed me

Four years ago, I never thought I would have been married.
I was so scared of it.
It was some unknown territory that I had only heard bad things about.
The examples I had seen, I didn't want any part of.
I could count the good marriages on only one hand.

When I met Roger, he wasn't my type.
I didn't even want to date him at first.

But Roger was patient and Roger was kind.
Roger kept reaching out to me even when I would shut him out.
He didn't give up when I would run away.
He chased me.
He would call me back even after I hung up on him.

Roger made me want to be his wife.
Roger made me want to be married.

On our wedding day, I wasn't nervous about the wedding.
I was nervous about the marriage.
But Roger was so excited about the marriage.
He was excited about days 2-179.
Even though he didn't know there would only be 179 days.

I loved being married to him.
Marriage was fun and happy.
It wasn't the "ball and chain" people tell you.
I didn't give up my friends.
I didn't have to give up my hobbies.
I didn't do those things to Roger either.
I didn't prohibit him.
I didn't want to.
We had forever...

Tonight I was reminded "Star didn't even want to be married till she met Roger."
And it was totally the truth.
And now, I'm so scared of it again.
Will I be so lucky?
Will I find a guy who is patient, kind, good looking, nerdy, active, non-video gamer, handy, sweet, non-cheating, and not fat?

Ugh, I'm scared. I'm changed.
I want my Roger back.

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