Monday, November 3, 2008

"Star was married"

I think that title pretty much sums up this weekend.
The singleness is starting to really set in.
And I don't like it one bit.

I so miss Roger's touch.
Roger's hand holding mine.
Roger's warmth next to me in bed.

Roger's kiss.
He was a good kisser.
And we pretty much always had a 3 kiss per day minimum.
One in the morning, one after getting home in the evening, and before going to sleep.

I miss his hand grabbing onto my leg while he drove.
And just being able to be driven around by him.
I felt safe.
I felt taken care of.

I miss Roger's hugs.
The ones where he'd meet me in the garage after I got home.
Even the ones were I forced him to hug me.
And he would ask me "But why?"

I miss the times where he would grab me.
Tickle me.
Just be silly with me.

It has just been so long since I felt him near me.
Seen him.
Touched him.
Smelled him.

Today was the church service for All Saints Day.
They called out his name and a candle was lit in his memory.
It was odd to be in the church without him.
Its more odd to walk down that aisle again.
Without him sitting right next to me.
Holding pinkies while standing during the various parts of the service.
Seeing him smile at me.

But I'm single.
No longer married.
No longer priveledged to have a constant companion.
No one to hold me.
No one to keep me warm.
And as it gets colder and the world is farther away from summer, I realize how lonely I am.
How unmarried I truly am.

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