Monday, April 19, 2010

Changes

A change is about to occur here in my house.
Next month, Mr. X is going to be moving in with me.
We have been dating for almost a year and I feel like it is time.
We feel like it is time.
Time to step up our relationship to the next level.
On May Day, it will become our home.

I was nervous about announcing this.
I am sure some people will be shocked that in less than two years since Roger's death I am ready to have someone else move in.
However, I felt like I was stalling my decision for the sake of what other's think.
For other's feelings.
For society's rules.
For what others deem as normal and good.

But that was not fair to Mr. X.
It was not fair to me.

It is a scary change.
Commitment-phobia is slightly engaged.
Death-phobia is highly engaged.
But it is also exciting.

However, I hate the term "moving on".
No, I am not moving on.
I am moving forward.  Life moves forward.
"Moving on" sounds like I am forgetting Roger.
I still think of him.
Every. Single. Day.
I still have tears that gently roll off my cheeks every once in a while.

I still love Roger.
And I love Mr. X.
Amazingly, I can do both.

7 comments:

Jenn said...

An exciting step indeed (and of course a little scary).

I'm so happy that you have found someone to share and add happy memories to those already existing.

Take care!
Jenn

Mel said...

Congratulations!! That is wonderful news. I'm so happy for you.

mellehcimb said...

Thank you for this. Your post gives me hope.

I lost my boyfriend suddenly, with no warning, last November. We'd been dating for two years. Planned to marry, unofficially (plans to make it official, well, could not happen).

He will always be in my heart.

Thank you for showing me there is a way forward.

Jennifer M Karn said...

Bravo! You deserve happiness...a lifetime of happiness.

Jen said...

You deserve all the happiness in the world and if anyone has a problem with that, tell them to come talk to me :o)

Congratulations!!!

Janine (txmomx6) said...

I am so very happy for you. And you're right .... you are indeed, moving forward .... not on.
You are blessed to be able to love two men .... to have room for each of them in your ever-expanding heart.
:)

Crash Course Widow said...

I'm a few days delayed in commenting (I read this post several days ago), but just wanted to add my own "Yea, yea, yea!" to you, Star! Congratulations! What an exciting--and yes, slightly scary--next step!

Thinking of you and sending you many hugs and warm wishes!