Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Nineteen Months

I was talking with a fellow widow when she made the observation how we measure death like children.
First we talk about how many days out we are.
Days turn into weeks.
Weeks turn into months.

Right now I still measure my widowness in months.
Like a toddler under two years.
Nineteen months for me.

Widows also think about firsts like parents do.
First time for this and that.
First birthday.
First date (after).

It feels like the raising of a child.
It's a lot of work.
It's tiring.
It has its own strong will.

So maybe I am raising an invisible child.
Without any of the rewards.

6 comments:

Kate said...

When Jason had been gone for nine months, I went kind of insane, grieving the baby that we never got to have together. There's just these mile marker dates that slay your heart. Keep walking, my friend.

Jennifer M Karn said...

Isn't that the truth.

Brenda said...

I'm having an angry day today. I googled "blogs about widows" looking for validation I suppose.

I really relate to your reference to counting time like we do a baby's age. I had our 3rd baby almost exactly one month after my husband's death in a car accident. Every milestone my baby hits, I add one month for my husband's death. I hit 19 months next week.

Thanks for letting me stop by.

Supa Dupa Fresh said...

Well, dang girl, now I can't write it!

You did it better than I would have.

HUGS. PLEASE find a way to come to Camp Widow. Mr. X is welcome too... there will be more than one session on future romantic life...

X

Supa

Supa Dupa Fresh said...

Well, dang girl, now I can't write it!

You did it better than I would have.

HUGS. PLEASE find a way to come to Camp Widow. Mr. X is welcome too... there will be more than one session on future romantic life...

X

Supa

mellehcimb said...

So true. So true. Everything you say is how I feel too.

6 months for me. Hit on Friday (two days ago). It's been a rough weekend.

((((HUGS))))