... is over.
Sadly. Very sadly.
I am no longer sporting the new body I gained after Roger died.
With school and school-related stress.
With foot injuries that made it impossible to run.
With a hard winter and early spring emotionally.
It has all added up to weight gain.
But part of me says, at least at the moment, I am fat and happy.
And I would rather be happy now than how I felt the months after Roger died.
But the other part of me says, I look crappy, again. [Please do not comment about how great I look.]
I look older.
And I do not find myself as attractive as I was a year ago.
That I need to work on.
I need to start running again.
No excuses now.
I want to be happy and thin(ner).
4 comments:
I relate to this post. I, too, had lost weight following my husband's death. And then, through a series of bad weather and other events, I have managed to put it back on. And, I, too, do NOT like how I look now. Here's hoping that we both have success in resuming better eating habits and/or increased exercise routines. I have read your posts occasionally, hopping over to you via Janine's blog. Always enjoy another widow's viewpoint and perspective...
I sooooooo... get this too. Feel the same way. I looked the best I had in probably almost 10 years when Charley died, between Anna sucking the weight off me post-baby and because I'd been so horribly sick for 8 long weeks with the colitis in the last 2 months before he died. And then I forgot to eat for about 6 months after Charley died and had no interest in food. Sure, a size 6 didn't exactly look healthy on me, but dang in felt good...sort of. But inevitably, the weight came back...and then even more....and even more. And now it totally sucks. The depression of the 3rd year packed on the pounds, and then last year made it even worse. I'm probably about 40-45 lbs over what I was in the first few months after Charley died, and I hate it. But drumming up the extra energy to do something about it--to eat better, to go to the gym, etc.--after years of having zero (or worse) energy sounds as wearying as training to climb Mt. Everest.
So yeah...I'm happier and fatter than I was years ago...but I'd much rather be thinner too. And funny: I've always called it the "Dead Husband Diet" too. ;o) Here's sending you some energizing, motivating vibes to get back to running and hopes that the ickier stuff from this past year diminishes more, so it's easier to get back in better shape again. Hugs!
Hey chica...been thinking bout you tons, especially on my last race. Know why? Other than the run being hot n humid and reminding me of Orlando... Guess what's on June 5th? RACE INTO SUMMER 5K!!!!! I keep getting emails for it, but That's where we met!!!! *cheeky grin* If you can, you should do that race again ( for old time sake), but don't forget the iPod this time haha :o) oh and if they still have post race party at mellow mushroom, please have a slice for me :o) luv ya, miss ya
I'm on that diet. I've been jokingly calling it 'the grief diet' and always add 'don't try this at home!' Lost 40 pounds. Went from a 14 to a 10 in 6 months. It's amazing how easy it is when you lose your appetite and food loses its taste...And every time somebody tells me I look great, I look at them like, 'Whaaaat?'
...So maybe, all things considered, your having gained some weight could count as a sign of recovery? Maybe?
I love your blog. Please keep writing! ((((HUGS))))
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