Thursday, May 13, 2010

From "His" to "Ours"

I announced a few weeks ago that Mr. X is moving in.
As we get toward the two week mark, so far so good.
It is a nice change to see him everyday.
To prepare all our meals together.
To share the household chores.
To wake up with him each morning.
And we are also starting to decorate together.

When Roger first died and I decided (I do not think it was really a decision but...) to stay in the house.
But somewhere in something I read in the millions of grief related advice, it stated if I was going to stay, I should change things around.
To make the space different.
So I painted the kitchen, the family room, the dining room, the living room, the master bedroom, and the master bathroom.
I slip covered some of the furniture.
I rearranged the furniture.
I bought new sheets.
I rearranged some artwork on the walls.
I started to make the home mine.

Then at some point I stopped.
I realized that some day I would want another man to live here with me.
That one day I would want the house not just to be mine but "ours" again.

When Mr. X moved in, I wanted to make him feel comfortable.
I wanted this house to become his home.
So his table is in the kitchen.
Pictures of his family are up.

And then, we started looking at the office.
It still looked like Roger's office.
As much as I have tried over the last two years, it still looked like the same basic set up.

So in continuing with my efforts to make this a home for Mr. X and me, we decided to re-do the office together.
We are taking down Roger's desk.
Selling part of it and giving the other part to my roommate.
I am getting a brand new desk that I have been eyeing for a long time.
Installing a huge wall size bookshelf for all our combined books.
And setting up Mr. X's desk as well.

I am not sad about changing this room.
I am really excited about this new room.
The physical ones and the emotional ones.


Anonymous said...

It's a good thing that you're doing this together. It's a really good thing.

I just found your website, and I intend on keeping reading. You have readers, and I'm one of them now. :)

Heather said...

I decided to keep our house too. I find it comforting to be there-I feel safe there.

I, too, one day hope to have an "our" house again but in the meantime I have been working to make it "my" house. I painted the guest bathroom, hallway, and our bedroom. The master bathroom is next. It still feels like "our" house.

Good luck to you and Mr. X as you continue to work towards making it your home. :)