Sunday, May 9, 2010

Frightened

Yesterday morning, my mother left my house after a visit.
Her flight left at 6:30am.

I woke up at 4:45am.
I grabbed some clothes.
Roger's old workout pants.
Roger's UCF t-shirt.
As I went to put on some shoes, the first pair was the same ones I had on that day.
I could not even put one toe in.

We needed to leave about 5:00am.
It was humid and warm.
Kevin drove.
I was in the passenger seat, again.
I had my entire purse.
Strapped into the seatbelt with me.
I kept my flip-flops on.
My hands clasped tightly together.

I scanned the road intensely.
I watched for any wild animals that may jump into the road.
Watched for cars coming the opposite direction.
Watched the cars behind me.

We came upon an accident.
Some stupid drunk asshole who lost control of their car drove off the side of the road.
Fire trucks and an ambulance were cleaning up the mess.

We got to our first turn.
A car behind us sped through a completely red light.
Not a yellow light.
Not a red light that just turned red.
A red light.
Do people really just drive like this?
With no regard for others?

I could not talk.
Things were too similar.
I was so frightened.
Frightened by the possibilities.
Frightened by the stupidity of others.
Frightened by laws that do not protect me.
Frightened by the corruption of the world.

2 comments:

Funny Girl said...

You know what's so interesting? I remember thinking (when I was in Orlando) that not a single day would go by where I didn't see an accident on the highway. I was often scared and was sure that I was definitely going to be in an accident before returning to Chicago (the land of aggressive drivers). Thankfully I wasn't. Just continue to be as alert as possible when on the rode. :o) be safe... Been thinking about you tons :o)

Crash Course Widow said...

Awww...I'm so sorry you had to face and go through that. Every now and then there's a kamikaze accident that really hits me too when I have to drive by them, even though I wasn't present for Charley's (and it didn't involve cars). There's something so scarring and paralyzing about knowing the outcome, but not being able to keep yourself from those triggering accidents. (Am I making any sense at all?)

Sending you many hugs...and reminders that you're totally normal to react like this, particularly when you're only in the 2nd year.

Hang in there.... xoxo