Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A Year From Now

Since August of 2008, I have not been back to work.
Besides a one day stint at my last job to wrap up some things.
And my teaching assistant position this past semester.
But not a real career sort of job.

However, in a year, I will be back in the "real" world.

I am slightly nervous about entering the career world again.
By that time, it will be 2.5 years since I was really working.
Two and half years since I dealt with the additional stress of work.

Yes, I have been in school.
And that has been stressful at times.
However, being a student versus being an employee has a different type of stress.
I can be fired from a job.
I cannot be fired from school.

I will have to meet loads of new people.
People who will be my boss.
People who will be my colleagues.
People who will ask questions.
People who I will need to be at least somewhat social with.

As a teacher, I will also be in contact with students' parents.
Parents who may also ask questions.
Parents who may find out my "situation."
The students themselves may find out.
May ask questions.
May use it against me at some point.

In a year... Eeek.


Nicola Carver said...

Wow. A year from now, I will also be a new teacher. I too am already dreading the questions, and I haven't even started training yet!

Joannah said...

Next year will be my 15th year in teaching. It can be very rewarding, but it is stressful. So much so that I'm on a medical leave of absence until the end of this school year. After my husband died in March, I knew I could not handle the additional stress at work. Thankfully my doctor agreed with me.

You will experience a lot of growth in the next year, and will no doubt start your career with a lot of energy and enthusiasm. :)

Crash Course Widow said...

Yes, but in a year from now, you'll feel more stable and less wobbly than you do right now. The change in feelings and perspective can be quite remarkable from late in the second year to around the year-3 mark...or at least that's what I've noticed in most of my widowed friends.

And you'll have a HUGE advantage over many of your classmates in a year: you've already worked professionally at a real, non-minimum-wage, disposable job for years prior...and you'll be older, wiser, and more experienced for everything you've done in the last TEN years--and yes, including Roger's death--than your cohorts at school.

My experience with the teenagers and parents through asst. coaching has been that few people asked about my history. Several knew what happened--how can teenage girls not ask and talk amongst themselves about it (even if only once), especially since they knew I had a child?--but none of the girls or parents ever said anything directly to me...until after one girl's dad died last year. And then they mostly asked out of genuine concern, or else appreciated and respected what I had to say.

In general, I'd guess that most people are too busy and too self-revolved to ask about their teacher's "story." And as far as coworkers, bosses, etc., go, it might be uncomfortable as you get used to how to tiptoe through the Dead Husband minefield...but people, for better or worse, will make their own assumptions for a while. But you'll get better at knowing what to say as you have more and more practice at it...and as it gets farther out from Roger's death. It's a lot easier to be social or professional once the horrible verbal vomit and newness of grief and widowhood have passed by the ~3-year mark.

I didn't work at all either (and barely was around people at all after the 2yr mark) until 3.5 years after Charley's death. I didn't even try to do anything that didn't let me remain "the widow" until 3 years out. And in hindsight, the introduction and segue into "normal" nonwidow life wasn't bad. I don't mean to say that it was all sunshine and roses, but your fear and worry now is probably worse than the reality will actually be.

It'll be okay. You'll do fine. It doesn't have to be perfect and you just might be amazed by how much it stretches and challenges you in good ways--not just scary ones.

Lots of hugs! [You can have your comments back now too. Pretty bad when the comment ends up longer than the post! ;o)] xoxo, Candice