Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Happy Belated Birthday to me

Back in July, I bugged and begged and pleaded Roger for Coldplay tickets.
I saw them perform back in March of 2006 and it was the best concert ever.
I tried to convince Roger that they would be a great birthday present for me.
He shrugged me off.
"Oh really? Hmm, I dunno... Maybe I don't want to get your Coldplay tickets for your birthday"
I saw that the concert was sold out and figured that I just wouldn't get to see them this time around.
I was bummed. But oh well. Next time.

A few days before my birthday, I was talking to my friend Deb.
I told her that I felt like Roger had given me a birthday present but I just needed to find it.
Which I had already gone through most of his stuff at that point so I'm not sure where I thought it would be and part of me was hoping I'd find the tickets.

So around then, I searched through his email that yes I hacked into and found nothing.
I read the new ones.
I read the old ones.
I read some emails in his sent folder.
I even read old emails that I had wrote to him.
It was soothing in a way. If I had emails, then I knew/know he wasn't a dream. He was a real person.
It was also total invasion of privacy. Something I never did with Roger when he was living just cause I really trusted him.
Well, I didn't see anything about my birthday present.
I was a little sad but no big deal.
Roger passed in August. My birthday wasn't for six weeks. And most average guys don't buy presents that early.
So I shouldn't be blue but of course I was.

Today was a crappy morning.
I realized that the top I had made the night before for my Halloween costume just won't work.
It actuallly woke up worrying about it. Yeah, its crazy what grief will cause you to worry about.
I ran around town trying to find a new top. Which is hard to find a strapless shirt or swimsuit top in October even in Florida.
I did eventually find something at Target, the last semi-red swimsuit top that will probably work (I finished it but have yet to try it all on again).
When I returned home, I went to login to my laptop to check my email and nada.
The laptop won't boot.
No no no!
I just restored this laptop to all its glory.
Yes it's only a machine and it will probably be okay but I just lost my harddrive back in July. Roger had fixed in for me in early August.
I just can't lose something else.
Not now.
Not something that keeps me connected to the world.
Something that keeps me organized since I can't seem to remember anything.
I wanted to vomit. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to have a pity party/temper tantrum.

So I drudge into my office and sit at the desktop.
I check my email, download some budget stuff, talk with some friends, and I'm bored.
So I open Roger's email again.
I have been trying to keep an eye out for emails from people who may not know yet as well as get rid of some of the spam.
I went through all the new messages and decided to read some of the emails I had written to him again.
Then I saw it.
"Your ticketmaster order."
I know I had read the emails above this one and below it. How did I miss it. I opened the email.
He had bought the tickets.
Back in July just like I asked.
Two tickets to see Coldplay on November 7th.

Wow. Whoa. Wow.
So my husband did buy them. He is the most amazing husband ever. Even in his death, he still gave me a birthday present. Wow. I just want to hug him and tell him how thankful I am that I married him.
Boy o boy, how I miss my wonderful husband.


Anonymous said...

that is awesome! I hope you go & enjoy the concert with all your heart in memory of you wonderful and awesome husband! Take someone special with you that you know will enjoy it and who's company you will enjoy and let loose! :D

Kitty Bear said...

When I started reading this, I had a feeling that, later in the entry, you'd say you found the tickets. I'm so glad you have something awesome to look forward to! :)

robyn said... an incredibly cool and wonderful story!!! what an amazing man he is...

Anonymous said...

How sweet! When you told me you thought he got your present I was thinking really? But that would have been way ahead of time...what a great guy :)