Sunday, October 19, 2008

The little things

It is really the little things that make living without Roger hard.
The itty bity things that make every moment of every day.
There are little reminders absolutely everywhere.
More than anyone realizes.
I can't escape them.
They are in my life always.
I think its one reason I find myself changing some things in little ways.

On Thursday, I slip covered one of my couches.
It is no longer red, but now is beige.
It made me so happy for it to be a new color.
Now it does not remind me of when we were trying selling the other house.

I went to the outlet malls yesterday.
When cruising through a store, I saw a pair of jeans in his size - 33x32.
I had to touch them.

Every time I see a sunflower or a daisy, I think of him.
He loved the yellow with brown.
It seems that everyone has that flower everywhere now.

Out in the yard, his banana trees have produced fruit.
It reminds me of him.

When I pull into the garage, the motorcycle greets me.
Again, gently reminding me of him.

I was vaccuuming out my car on Thursday.
I found croissant crumbs.
I laughed.
Roger ate the croissant in my car when he had an upset stomach.
He was so messy sometimes.

Sometimes I avoid seeing these things or coming in contact.
Sometimes I'm drawn to them.
And sometimes it hurts a little more than I realize.
Part of me wants not to remember.
The other part of me never wants to forget.
Some things I never want to let go.
Some things I want to throw out with force.

This is my journey. This is my every day life.

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