People and my friends were really encouraging me and it felt like the right thing to do.
But the publishers never came.
The talk show hosts never called.
And that is okay.
Maybe someday I will still write a book.
Maybe about grief. Maybe about my life. Maybe about something completely different.
But I have learned I am not so unique.
At least not unique in my "situation".
I can name at least four or five people who have very similar stories of the top of my head.
And not to mention all the other widows I have met through blogging.
These days I do not write thinking about a future book.
I write mostly for me. Like ninety percent.
Mostly to remember.
Mostly to document.
And to help others.
Just like Candice helped me feel "normal", I hope to help others.
Maybe another widow/widower.
Maybe someone else suffering from another type of loss.
Or maybe someone who is just having a bad day.
Or maybe even someone who is having a good day to remember.
Or maybe even a newlywed to be grateful.
A few months ago, my childhood friend Faith wrote me a thank you note.
I was confused when I first opened it.
I knew her wedding was that weekend and I had not sent a gift (although I still plan to).
It was a simple thank you for helping her keep perspective and being grateful.
It still hangs on my fridge.
To remind me of my new mission.
And also to remember how a very busy bride took time for me.
And then there are the other "thank you" notes and messages.
They always touch me.
They always make me feel like this shitty experience has meaning for someone.
At least some good is coming of the worst day(s) of my life.
If Roger were here, he would say it is the ying and yang of it all.
He used to wear one around his neck before I met him.
He had a drawer full of them.
He loved the meaning.
And God knows, I am all about balance.
Something that I depend greatly on...
I accept this mission.
To help others.