Wednesday, January 13, 2010

My Mission

When I first started this blog, I thought I would write a book someday.
People and my friends were really encouraging me and it felt like the right thing to do.
But the publishers never came.
The talk show hosts never called.
And that is okay.
Maybe someday I will still write a book.
Maybe about grief. Maybe about my life. Maybe about something completely different.

But I have learned I am not so unique.
At least not unique in my "situation".
I can name at least four or five people who have very similar stories of the top of my head.
And not to mention all the other widows I have met through blogging.

These days I do not write thinking about a future book.
I write mostly for me. Like ninety percent.
Mostly to remember.
Mostly to document.
And to help others.

Just like Candice helped me feel "normal", I hope to help others.
Maybe another widow/widower.
Maybe someone else suffering from another type of loss.
Or maybe someone who is just having a bad day.
Or maybe even someone who is having a good day to remember.
Or maybe even a newlywed to be grateful.

A few months ago, my childhood friend Faith wrote me a thank you note.
I was confused when I first opened it.
I knew her wedding was that weekend and I had not sent a gift (although I still plan to).
It was a simple thank you for helping her keep perspective and being grateful.
It still hangs on my fridge.
To remind me of my new mission.
And also to remember how a very busy bride took time for me.

And then there are the other "thank you" notes and messages.
They always touch me.
They always make me feel like this shitty experience has meaning for someone.
At least some good is coming of the worst day(s) of my life.

If Roger were here, he would say it is the ying and yang of it all.
He used to wear one around his neck before I met him.
He had a drawer full of them.
He loved the meaning.
Good/Evil.
Positive/Negative.
War/Peace.
Love/Hate.
The balance.
And God knows, I am all about balance.
Something that I depend greatly on...

I accept this mission.
To help others.

5 comments:

letterstoelias said...

One other ying/yang for you,

Life/Death

And, at least from my experience, I have found your writing helpful in not feeling so alone. When everyone in your immediate circle has never experienced something like this before (thankfully), it can be terribly isolating.

Not that you want anyone else to have to experience this - but for those of us who have, there is comfort in knowing we are not alone, and without these blogs it would be much more difficult. We are thankful for each other, and I, for one, am thankful for you.

~C~

Tiffy said...

Star- I only know you virtually through the nest but I read your blog at least once a week if not more. You help me cope with the loss of my 20 year old brother in Sept 2007 because though its different its very much the same and you also give me a great reality check on those days where I am mad at my husband. It makes me realize that no matter how mad I am I can't imagine losing him... he always gets a big hug and kiss from me after I read your blog. Thanks for sharing your stories.

Suddenwidow said...

Star,
You blog was one of the first I started reading after my husband died. You have helped inspire me, pick me up when I was on the floor and given me hope that there is life after the death of my husband. So even if you never write that book, you have helped many of us out here in cyberspace. Thank you.
Debbie

Roads said...

Star
Good luck with your mission. It's a noble one, which I fully endorse.

I love your writing. Much of what you say is familiar to me, yet you put it in a fresh way.

Wishing you all the best that can be wished for in 2010, and with kind regards from snowy London.

Crash Course Widow said...

So I helped you feel normal, huh? I guess that presumes *I'm* normal, though, doesn't it? ;o) (Just kidding.)

One of the things that helped me the most in earliest widowhood was finding other young widows so that I knew that what I was feeling, going through, was normal, not "special" in some bizarre celebrity, freak-show way. But most of the widows I met in real life were older, had 10-20 years with their spouses, and their kids would always remember their dead parent. I had none of those things...so finding peers who were MY age was especially gratifying. And even though I'm 3 years ahead of you on this crap widowed track, meeting you helped me a lot too. Hearing about someone else's "normal" route through widowhood at 27, after only 6 months of matrimony, helped me remember things that I'd forgotten through the fog of early widowhood, helped reinforce that what I felt and experienced was normal too. And I could never pay back the people (like Alicia/Pentha and others at the YWBB) who helped me in the first 6 months, but I could pay it forward to other new widows and widowers...and I'm thankful I was able to be of any help to you. The same way that you're helping other people too....

Sending you many hugs, my friend.
~Candice