Knowing it is in the month of August has not helped.
Knowing that only three weeks after his birthday is when he went away forever from me.
So it has not been my favorite thing to think about.
Plus he would have been 35.
The first semi-big birthday since we had been together.
I mean, it's not 30 or 40 but still.
Plus I did not bake him a cake last year.
His favorite thing - layered cake and I completely forgot.
How could I forget?
I planned the rest of the day.
But forgot the damn cake.
I bought him one from Publix.
Which he loved their cake so it was fine but still...
I saw a sign.
A literal sign.
I saw a billboard that JetBlue is now going to the Bahamas.
I was driving on the highway when I saw it and I started jumping up and down.
I have a credit for JetBlue.
Then on television, I saw a commercial for Atlantis.
Now, Atlantis is another guilt spot for me.
Roger told me when I first met him before we even discussed marriage that he was going to Atlantis for his honeymoon.
I think he may have even said "With or without you..."
But when it came time to plan our honeymoon, I convinced him we would do Atlantis some other time.
The Bahamas are only an hour away from here.
I wanted to go away for our honeymoon.
Somewhere we could not just go for a weekend comfortably.
Somewhere with no kids around.
So we went to St. Lucia instead.
It was still a relaxing Caribbean honeymoon but far far away.
And we never got to go to the Bahamas together.
Or to Atlantis.
I robbed him of that.
We probably would have gone this year.
So with my twin, whose husband's birthday is July 31st, we are going to Atlantis to celebrate our husbands' birthdays!
It gives us something to look forward to.
We can comfort each other.
Drink our blues away.
And I am actually excited now.
No more dread.
As far as the cake is concerned, my wonderful friend Courtney is going to help me.
So I have a plan. Which helps me feel more settled.
Makes me feel okay.
Makes me feel like I will get through.