Friday, June 12, 2009

I Did Depend on It...

Right now in downtown, there is this billboard that says "Choose ORMC like your heart depends on it."
It urks me.
I want to scream every time I read it.
ORMC is the hospital we went to.
I really did not have a choice either.
We were sent there because we were trauma patients and it is the level 1 trauma center in the area.  

My heart and my love and my life depended on them.
Depended on them to fix us.
Fix him.  
And it did not work out.
I am not saying they did not try.
I know they tried.
But it still did not work out.  

I am not sure I could even walk into that hospital again.
I worked there years ago when I first moved here.  
So it was already odd being back there.
Now, there is pain associated with it.
Just seeing the hospital from the highway makes my heart ache.  

Hearing noises similar to Roger's hospital room make my skin crawl.  
There is a machine in my microbiology lab called an autoclave.
When it is in steam mode, it sounds like his ventilator.  
Certain beeps of things also sound like his heart monitor.  
I know this will wane.
At least I hope so.

I guess I am going through another anger cycle.  
I can feel it.
Deep inside me.  
I guess I will continue to express it in the ways I know how - here.  
Through my written word.  
Because I can depend on that.  

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