Monday, June 1, 2009

Roger Free Zones

Right after Roger died, his sister and I went through most of the house to sort through his clothing and things.
We gave things to friends, family, and charities.  
It was a hard process but I was somewhat still numb at the time so it was easier than it has become now.  
I remember even laughing at things we found.  
But when I saw his sister's SUV pulling away at the end of that week, it felt like I was a divorcee instead of a widow.  

However there were lots of things that did not get removed or changed.
Some things stayed just because I could not remove them yet.
Some things stayed just because I was not sure if I would want them later.
Of course some things are just up until I have replacement decor.
We did not exactly have the same decorating style.  

There are also a lot of photos.  A lot of photos.  
Before my digital SLR, I carried a camera with me at all times from 2003 till March 2009.  
In those six years, I took a lot of pictures.
For three of those six years, Roger was in a lot of those pictures or at least he was around.
Not to mention all the professional pictures we had taken for wedding related activities.
We did an engagement shoot, the wedding, and a trash the dress session.  
There are probably over 2,000 pictures just from Scoobie.  

So after the initial de-Roger-fying of the house, I have made baby steps.
Tiny steps here and there over the last nine months.  
Once all the pictures are out of a room, I declare it Roger-free zone.
I know have 4.75 rooms (not counting bathrooms) that are Roger-free.
Kitchen has been Roger-free for a while now.  It may have been the first I think.
Which makes sense since it is a kitchen after all.  
Of course, the guest room was never really Roger-fyed so I am counting that one too.
Giving myself credit for something I do not really deserve but whatever.
This past weekend, I completed two more rooms - dining room and living room.
Go Star.  
I put them in a box to be given to Grace on her next visit.  
Now, the 0.75 comes from the family room.  It is mostly done.
There is only one more picture but it is part of a collage type frame above the television.  
But I want to move the collages into my office soon.

I came up with a plan also for the collage frames in the hallway to the guest room and guest bath.  
I am going to pick my favorites from my travels over the last few months.  There should be enough great photos to fill them up.  

Of course, there is still the bedroom to contend with.  
I removed two over the bed after the painting was finished.
And I removed two more that were on the night stands.  
I also put away some of his stuffed animals.  
Yes, the boy had some stuffed animals.  
So do I so... 

But at least there is progress.  
But progress. 


Split-Second Single Father said...

My wife was a both a teacher and a shopper, so there was tons of stuff to go through after she died. From start to finish (with lots of breaks), it took me over a year. It was an arduous process, and one I am glad is finally over.

Good luck on the completion of your Roger-free zones.

Ann said...

This is a perfect example of how each widow and widower is different. I have no interest what-so-ever in riding my home of my late husband, not his pictures, not his stuff, not his spirit. We had not lived in our home that long and not long after he passed the project of finishing the basement was completed and I actually went through the process of unpacking some of his stuff and moving him in rather than out.
Everyone responds differently.

There is no right or wrong way to act or to feel. That is the most important lesson.

Mars Girl said...

I still our engagement picture in my wallet... I have all the stuff of his that I kept in a box in storage (and I plan to always keep it). But I still, despite several relationships I've had since he died, keep our engagement picture in my wallet. I cant bring myself to take it out.

Kimberly said...

My fiance died 15 years ago. I still dream about him and I still have letters, pictures, jewelry that I couldn't part with - even though we were not married - the memory his death is still as fresh as ever.