Saturday, August 15, 2009

The Music Plays On

Music has been a big part of my life for most of my life.
I was in choir from fourth grade through my senior year of high school.
After that, I still sang at church when I went and in my car and pretty much when I could.
I love singing.
I miss "organized" singing.
And I will never forget what my high school choir director told me back during my freshman year of high school. She said something that would help me for years to come: "They can beat you down and take away everything you own. But they can never take away two things - your birthday and the love of singing. Music gets into your soul and your heart. It cannot be taken away."

Her quote has stayed with me for years.
It is one of the reasons I do not let me birthday just fall away to the way side.
Yes, I do not have many "big" birthdays left.
Yes, I am not a child.
But it is the one day of the entire year that is mine.
I take advantage of it.
I celebrate it the entire week.
And sometimes the entire month.
Why not?
It is my birthday.

And then the music.
It is a powerful force for me.
Music can always take me back.
To good times and to bad.
It can lift me up.
It can make me cry.
It can put me to sleep.

Lately music has been surging through me again.
I hear our song, the one Roger would let me sing while in the car and harmonize to (or at least attempt to). Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars."
I hear the songs from our wedding. Our first dance - Michelle Featherstone's "Man and Wife".
I hear songs the DJ played at the wedding - T Pain's "Apple Bottom Jeans".
Songs from last August - Ne-Yo's "Forever".
And instantly I am back.
The memories flood my brain.

But now there are new songs to hurt me.
Love songs especially.
Some that help me.
Kate Havnevik's "Grace".
Mat Kearney's "Breathe In Breathe Out."
Ingrid Michaelson's "Keep Breathing".
Ingrid Michaelson's "Be OK".
Beyonce's "Halo".
And some that have new meaning.
P!ink's "Who Knew".
Dido's "Slide".

For me, it is like my grief has soundtrack.
I know this has happened for other bloggers as well.
Sometimes I really want to just wallow in the music.
I want to hear the sad songs.
I want to know I am not alone in the sadness.
I want to go back to the moments when Roger was still here.
And like most of my life, music has that power.
That reach.

And when all else fails, the music is still there.
In my head.
In my heart.
In my soul.
And like my birthday, music never fails me.

3 comments:

letterstoelias said...

Hi Star,

I'm an Ingrid Michaelson fan too - I love the song 'Morning Lullabies', but it speaks to me as my husband had cancer, so it may not have the same meaning to you. I love 'Keep Breathing', thank you for reminding me of it.

Sarah Mclaughlin also has a number of songs in my 'soundtrack', as does U2 - 'Walk On' is a big one right now.

Take care,
~C~

Katie said...

I love your chorus teachers quote--it is so true! I feel like everyone has a soundtrack to there life--it is a never ending soundtrack that isn't limited to just 10-12 songs.

Roads said...

Dido's Slide?

I'll have to check that one out on the iPod. I'm on Sand in my Shoes right now, with the holidays still fresh in my mind.