Friday, March 13, 2009

Seven tee shirts

Roger loved tee shirts.
He had so many.
He had ones of superheroes, work related stuff, martial arts, and loads with lions on them.

Before I moved in with him, he got rid of three trash bags of clothes.
And probably 70% of the stuff he got rid of were of course tee shirts.  

How many tee shirts does one person need?

When Roger died, Grace helped me clean out our closet.
Some of my "research" said it was great to clean out the closet before the numbness wears off.
Before some weird attachment develops.
It also helps to really visualize that he is not coming back.  
That he is really gone.  Forever.

So we undertook the task of going through all his clothes.
Boy, did he have clothes.
I swear I think he had more clothes than me.  
I do not think he ever threw or gave much away (besides right before I moved in).
He had shirts from County Seat which has not been in existence for about fifteen years if not more.
He had shirts from Structure.
Work shirts from MediaOne which no longer exists.
Seriously old clothes.

The thing that surprised me however, which should not have, was the thirty-one tee shirts we sent with the Am Vets.  
Now, that would be surprising alone except I kept about ten and Grace kept about ten and we may have given some others away to other people.  
So really, he probably had fifty or more tee shirts.  
Why dude? Why?

Last night I was putting away some laundry and I was running out of my favorite hangers.
Yes I am weird and OCD about my clothes.  Just ask Holly about my laundry sorting system.  
And of the ten or so tee shirts I kept, I have worn about three.
One I paint in and in rebellion I wipe my dirty hands on Roger's tee shirt.  
Damn him for dying and making me do these things alone.  So that is my revenge.  
One says "I heart Star" which I find amusing to wear.
And one of his others that just reminds me of him.

So much to my surprise and just like the research said, I developed attachment to these shirts.
I could not put them in my running Goodwill pile.  Well, I put one in.  But only reluctantly.
And of the seven I have not worn, I kept two on the hangers: one he wore the night before he died and the other I really just like.  
The others... well,  I just gently folded up and put in another part of my closet.
I cannot even take them upstairs to Roger's box.  
And I really cannot give them away yet.  
But I know I'll never actually wear them.
Why continue to lie to myself and convince myself I will.  

So they will sit in my closet for now.  And maybe in a few months they will find a new home.
Just not now. Probably not even soon.

1 comment:

Roads said...

Perhaps you will wear them, one day. I wore several of Jenny's tee-shirts for a couple of years -- as nightwear and then as running kit. It made me feel closer to her.

Maybe I've still got one or two more shirts stashed away in the crate downstairs. I'll go and check that out. Although the halter tops might well look out of place...