Sunday, March 29, 2009

I miss you!

My childhood friend, Andrea, came to visit me over the last few days.
I have not seen her in 2.5 years and I had not met her children yet. 
She and her family live in Africa as missionaries working on AIDS education for the Zambian population.
I admire her greatly.
I could not live the life she does.
And maybe she is thankful she does not live mine.
Who knows.

She is a wonderful mother.  
She is a wonderful wife.  
She has two children who are so well parented.  
Ireen who is four and Ian who is fourteen months are just adorable.  

Roger only met Andrea once.  
But I wish so much he could have been here this weekend.
To get to know her more.
To get to know that part of my life more.  
To enjoy the weekend with me.
It makes me so sad that two of the most important people in my life did not know each other well.

I had a few friends over on Saturday night to meet Andrea and her kids.
For two reasons really.
I wanted Andrea to meet my friends who have helped me over the last few months.  
I wanted her to know my life.
But I also wanted my friends to know Andrea.  
To know a little more of my past.
Past, meet present. 

And as I watched Ireen play in my yard being chased by my guy friends.  
As Andrea and I chatted with the women.
As I put together a meal and fed the important people of my life.
As we were all enjoying a nice Florida spring evening.  
I felt tears start to grow.
One very important person was missing.
One person who would be enjoying this moment with me and as much as me.
I felt a huge deep crater inside.  

I miss Roger so much.
I miss hosting parties together.
I miss enjoying our friends together.
I miss enjoying life together.

I miss you dear.  
I miss you greatly.


Crash Course Widow said...

Yeah. Hosting parties without 'em sucks royal ass. Charley was never a highly social, interested-in-parties person. When we bought our house, I thought it would be great to start having people over, occasionally parties, now that we had a beautiful house to show off that was in a close-in, convenient location. Charley just looked at me like I'd grown horns and asked why on earth I'd want to.

And I started having a bunch of parties at our house--some fun, some (like the open house after his funeral) not so outright fun--after he died. And while part of me enjoyed hosting, feeling like a real grownup, etc. etc., it always hurt so bad that he wasn't here to see them, be proud of me, realize parties could actually be fun. I don't know that it's necessarily gotten easier over time with parties...but maybe I'm just better distracted at them and don't have as many moments where I have an opportunity to realize, remember, and notice how much I still actively miss them.

Or maybe I just have almost no parties anymore, because I lived in the middle of nowhere. Who knows. We'll see if I have more again once I get into the new house.

Sending you hugs,

Joanne said...

I loved meeting Andrea and her two beautiful babies. Thanks for having us over. :o)