"My wife"

Anyone who is just married knows the feeling the first time you hear the words "my wife" or "my husband."
Its weird.
Its odd.
It makes you feel all grown up.

I remember saying it on my honeymoon.
It was so strange.
Not to mention the whole no longer "Miss" thing.

I remember being in the hospital and for the first time, I was the center of attention.
Simply because I was his wife.
He was my husband.
No longer was he his mother's son, but he was my husband.
I was called "wife" so much in that week after the accident.
"Here is his wife."
"Are you his wife?"
"His wife needs to sign this"
"I'm looking for Mr. Jimenez's wife"
Wife wife wife.
It was everywhere.
It was a label I just wasn't quite even used to yet.
Especially for this scenario.
Especially given the new legal rights and the burdens of it.

I should have been though.
It should have been second nature to hear it.
Roger had been calling me his wife for a long time.
Much longer than we had been married.
Pretty much after we got engaged, he started calling me that.
Especially once we bought the house together.
He said it was easier to explain to people than saying "fiancee."
I want to say it was because he was excited about it.
Roger even mentioned before our wedding that he was really excited about being married to me. He loved our wedding and was excited about that but he was more excited about me being his wife.

Today I went to drop off the renewal lease to our rental house. [Thank God for that!!]
I ended up just hanging out with the renter, Mei, and her kids for a while.
Her oldest son thinks I'm the coolest.
As I sit here, I am covered in stickers. I also got a flower while I was there. I guess poor Xander has competition from a five year old.

The night before the accident, Roger had been at the rental house.
We were having some issues with water coming in through the walls and the carpets were soaked. The house needed to be sealed and painted.
Mei told me today that Roger just kept saying the term "my wife" and she just thought it was so cute.
She said she could tell he was excited about me.
He was truly in love with me.
She even told him "You don't have to say 'my wife', I know Star. We've met."
But she said just he kept saying it.

I'm so glad he was excited about me. That same night I was thinking how happy I was to be his wife. And how much I loved calling him "my husband."

However, its kinda weird now.
Legally, I'm no longer married.
We were divided by death.
Our marriage is done.
I still say "my husband" and I am still his wife.

The scary part for me is in the future.
How I will refer to him?
How will our friends refer to him?

Where will "my husband" go?
Where will "my wife" go?
Ugh.