Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Not as bas as I thought

My heart was racing.
My palms were sweating.
And I was in disguise.
Hair really straight & completely violating the dress code with jeans, flipflops, and a sleeveless shirt.
Some people hadn't seen me with the bangs either so I was very well hidden.
At least I pretended to be.

No, this isn't the scene of some Sherlock Holmes movie.
Just my office.
After a suggestion from my lovely sister-in-law and my therapist, today I went to visit my office after expressing how I did not want to think about what it was going to be like there.
I took the stairs into the office versus the elevator to avoid anyone I didn't want to see.
I stealthily walked around.
First I ran over to Siobhan's desk.
No one home.
I sat there to make some calls.
I freaked some people out who were not expecting me and I certainly don't look like Siobhan sitting at her desk.

I visited quite a few people and all in all not bad.
I only cried twice and realized I have more in common with some people than I ever knew.
And it definitely was not as scary as I anticipated.
Whew, huge sigh of relief!

Now when November comes, it will probably be still a little awkward but not half as awkward had I not visited.
I do miss seeing some of the folks.
I had lunch with a few people and it was nice to see them as always.
I don't miss the working though.

Next up on the agenda for tomorrow... nothing.
Tomorrow is my nothing day.
I'm looking forward to some nice PJs and doing lots of nothingness.


dtpartylite said...


I love you idea of "nothing day" and today is the perfect day to do that.

I lost a very dear friend- my best friend at the age of 42. It was completly unexpected. I went into her office (we use to work together) to clean out her things in her desk as her co-workers needed some closure. It was tough, but healing.

Having said that, I took some time off from work and found that I dreaded going back, but once I got there I realized it is what she would have wanted me to do. The living must go on living.

Also, a bit of "Mrs. Malone Mom advise"- only talk about what you want to talk about. People usually don't know what to say or how to say it and often times they say things or ask things without realizing you may not want to answer at that moment. They are curious and concerned.

Talk about what you want to talk about, when you want to talk about it and on your terms. You can't be consumed every minute of every day at work talking about the death of your soul mate. Just do it on your terms.

Hope I haven't offended you in my advise.

Take care- you are extraordinary.

Vanessa :) said...

I'm very happy to hear that your office visit went well! That's great!
And yay for your day of nothingness :) enjoy the relaxation with your kitties.

Joanne said...

Oh, Star, I'm so glad your visit went well. :) I had a working lunch, but I was thinking about you and hoping it wasn't too bad.

I'm still thinking of you every day and I'm really thankful and blessed to know you. :)


Jan Jacob said...

Hi Star - what a great idea! I miss you and think of you often. Joanie and I would love to get together with you - we miss you! Jan Jacob