I See Him

This happened a lot staring when I was around ten after my grandmother died.

She had been a daily part of my life growing up until I was about nine.

Then she went on vacation to Tennessee and ended up staying.

When she died, I did not believe she was really dead.

I just thought she did not love us anymore.

She did not want to be part of our family.

I thought she was angry with me for some reason.

I would see her everywhere, alive.

I would see her in the grocery store.

I would see the back of her head at the mall.

I even saw her into my early twenties.

She was in Florida.

She was in New York.

She was everywhere.

Now, I see Roger.

And not exactly him.

I see versions of him.

Or people who remind me a lot of him.

Almost making me look a third time (because I always look twice).

There is one boy in the classroom I have been observing and teaching.

He has longish blond hair (Roger was blond as a kid).

He wears glasses.

He is skinny.

He is fair skinned with light eyes.

The first day I taught my first lesson, I was gathering my things together.

I heard someone ask "Can I help you?"

I ignored the voice thinking it was two students talking.

He asked again.

It was my Roger look-a-like.

"Of course you can."

I also see "Roger" on campus.

Yesterday in my physical science class he was sitting in front of me diagonally.

It was his nose.

I saw it from the side and new it was him.

I leaned forward just to make sure.

I see him walking.

He was in front of me a few days ago.

I recognized his strut.

I laughed.

I could "see" him.

I saw him again today in a classroom I was observing.

He was not interested in school.

He was sleepy.

He was still skinny and growing out his hair.

He kept pulling it down on the sides.

I wanted to say "Stop that! It looks better when you do not do that."

But I did not.

And a few nights ago when Mr. X was spending the night, Roger was laying next to me.

I said something to Mr. X and he responded quickly "Otay".

I was shocked.

I had to have misheard him.

I asked him to repeat.

He said "Okay."

"Is that what you said before?"

"I said 'Otay' before."

I freaked out a bit.

He is always there.

Around the corner.

In the eyes of a stranger.

In the walk of a student.

Everywhere.