Low

When I am distracted, I am fine.

I appear okay.

I can get through the day.

I can get through life.

When I am not distracted,

I am not.

I am low.

Lots of tears.

Lots of sadness.

My confidence is low.

Very very low.

Shaky at best.

I am so afraid people do not like me.

I am afraid of people leaving me.

Even my closest friends.

I interpret everything as an act against me.

As if people are avoiding me.

I have to keep assuring myself I am loved.

And my confidence is fading, quickly.

I am so afraid of becoming fat again.

Since hurting my ankle, I have not been able to exercise.

So instead I eat.

And eat.

And eat.

I have gained back about five pounds.

And I know it is only five pounds but it really scares me.

I keep craving sweets and instead of being able to distract myself with exercise, I eat.

And my confidence is going down.

I am so afraid of the holidays.

I am trying to be happy.

I am trying to be excited.

I am trying to attend events to help me get into the spirit and listen to Christmas music but...

While shopping, I become overwhelmed.

I have no idea what people want.

I just feel low.

Very very low.

I know I should go back to counseling.

I plan on calling soon.

I promise.

Because I do not like feeling this shaky.

This unloved when I know its not true.

And this low.

I need me back.