I am nine months through the first year as of tomorrow.
It does not seem possible at moments.
But yet my life is so different than a year ago.
Than nine months ago.
Than four months ago.
I feel like I can at least breathe most days.
I feel like I have my head back on most days.
This anniversary does not feel overwhelming.
Which is good.
Of course it is tomorrow and I am in today.
So we will see what tomorrow is really like.
But standing in today, I do not feel the huge weight of another sort of big anniversary.
The other good thing is I am almost "graduating" from counseling.
My last scheduled session is on Tuesday.
By the time next week is here, I will have gone five weeks without it.
It was a test to truly see if I am ready.
To give me some data to bank on.
To prove to myself I can do this.
And guess what, I can do this.
I can do this.
I am learning to accept grief.
I am learning to let it do what it needs.
I am learning not to question what it needs.
I am learning to accept where I am in negative and positive ways.
I know I will never get over this.
I know I will and do still cry.
I know I will never forget him.
But time is making each day a tiny bit easier.
Each month is getting a tiny bit tolerable.
And soon I will be looking back at an entire year.
Soon very soon.