Sunday, May 10, 2009

Signing My Name

When I first started this blog, I never dreamed I would be talking about grief with the title.
I was just in shock I was married.  
I was in shock that my name was so different.
It felt like an end of an era.
And it was of course.
It was a new chapter.
Albeit a very short chapter but... 

I remember when I first got my driver's license.
It was the first time a stranger had mispronounced my new name.  
The guy passing out the freshly printed driver's licenses was the first one to butcher my new Cuban last name.
I smiled.

I had a great new picture so I rushed home to show Roger.
"Look dear, my new license."
Roger had a weird look on his face.
"What's wrong?"
"You signed your new last name wrong."
"No I didn't!"
"Yes, you did.  You only put the first three letters."
"Hmm, well, yeah but that is what I did before too."
"But that's not right."
"Hmm, you don't sign the whole thing either.  You just do a squiggly line."
"It is still all there.  You just can't read it.  You completely left off the rest of it."
"Yes dear.  Whatever you say, dear."

I did modify my name a bit.  
I added a slight squiggle.  
Not much.
Just enough to quiet my husband.

It will be strange when I marry again.
At some point way in the future.
I am not sure what I will do with my name.
Will I change it again?
Will I have to learn to sign a new name?
Will it be as emotional as last time?  
I am betting it will actually.
I kind of have an idea of what I will do but we shall see... 

A name is just a name anyway, right?
I will always be Roger's wife.

1 comment:

Mars Girl said...

That is the hard one. I changed my last name back to my maiden name about three years after my husband died. There were some complications with his family (we no longer speak to each other) and I felt awkward having a name that I only shared with my husband for 20 months. It was easier for me, and easier to explain to people who hadn't seen me in between getting married and becoming widowed, to just change it back. I dont know what I will do in the future... I really don't. I cant fathom changing my name again... I cant fathom the kind of love I had with Mike with anyone else. I can imagine loving again. I just cant imagine it being like that. You know?