Thursday, May 28, 2009

Where is Nancy Drew?

Roger introduced me to the concept of DVR.
He worked for the cable company at the time so he had all the bells and whistles when I met him.
He was so spoiled when it came to internet, television, and digital phone.
With all those tricks, I fell in love with the DVR concept.
Even before I fell for him.
No more commercials.  No more waiting for the correct show time.  Or even knowing the correct show time.

Since he was so spoiled and he liked television a lot, he had a lot of shows to be recorded.
And movies.
Sci-fi. Comedies. Vampire-related. Crime shows. Dance related movies. 
The boy had many interests.
Some of these we watched together.
Some I watched alone.
Some he watched alone.  
Some I just watched just for him and some he watched just for me.  
And right now in my head, I can hear him saying the word compromise.  

I cannot define my reasoning but I almost immediately cancelled some of the shows from recording.
I did not want to see them on the list.  So cancelled they were.  
And some things he had recorded, I deleted.
Go away I say.
But there was one thing I could not delete - the Nancy Drew movie.
It kept lingering.
I don't know.  
He recorded it on August 11th.
I do not even remember him telling me about this.
I remember seeing it on the list though and laughing to myself.  
I am not even sure if he watched it before the world exploded.  
Maybe he was waiting for me?  Maybe he watched it but saved it for me?

I ended up watching it a while back. 
It sucked.
I hated it.
Then, last week, I deleted it.  
Something so silly makes me cry.
But seeing it was more painful.
I think.
Not seeing it is weird and a little less painful.
I think.
As I saw the date creeping up, I just did not want it to be there for a year or more.
So I quickly highlighted it, hit "OK", then scrolled to "Erase", and "OK" again.
Magically it disappeared.  Gone. In seconds.
I threw the remote on the sofa.  

I do hope he saw it.
I would have hated to delete it without him watching it even though I know he could not watch now if he wanted to.  
Weird wife-whose-husband-died thing I guess.  
But it is gone.
Like him, it is gone.  

Now the list is just my stuff.
Martha Stewart. Jimmy Fallon. And some other characters.  
Although some of "my" stuff I inherited from him.  
No more compromise.

And all those bells and whistles, mostly gone now too.  
Except for the DVR of course.  


Mars Girl said...

I still cant watch Survivor because my husband and I got into the show the year it came out. He died shortly after the first season ended. Everytime I hear the theme music, my stomach churns, still. I admittedly have watched it some after he died, but it was too emotional so I stopped. It's weird. But we got so into that show, we made a huge deal about it when it was on. This was before DVRs... ;)

Ann said...

I tried to watch some of my husband's shows after he died. I had some weird sense of responsiblity. I thought it might help me feel more connected to him. It took quite a while until I finally cleared all his shows off the TIVO and added the ones only I wanted. It is sometimes weird what we women who loose our husbands think and do isn't it?