Monday, January 26, 2009

What if...

... the table was turned.
And instead of Roger dying, it would have been me.
What if I happened to be driving that day?
Or what if during the crash we missed the SUV driver and somehow slammed into another car on my side?

Would I have survived the crash even?

Would Roger have done the same things?
I wonder if he would have let me go and pulled life support on me.
I hope he would have remembered to donate my organs.
And to cremate me. It is much more green and cheaper.
Where would he spread my ashes? I think I would like it to just be in the ocean.

Would more of my family came? Roger had 72 people visit us at the hospital just in the first 48 hours.
Most of them could not "afford" my wedding.
Would they afforded to attend my funeral? I really wish people celebrate with others more than just at them afterwards.

How would Roger have coped?
Would he be back at work?
Would he be hanging out with my friends?
Would he be hanging out with our friends? I hope they would be as supportive as they have been to me.
Would he be dating soon?
Would he be struggling with the household chores?

What would he have done with the life insurance money?
What would he have done with my clothing?
Would he have saved more stuff than me? Less than me?
What would he do with my wedding dress? What should I do with my wedding dress?
Would he be griefing as much as me?

How would my family be acting toward him?
Would they be as compassionate toward him as Roger's is to me?
Would he be reaching out to them?

Would he have lost weight?
What would he have done with my rings?
Would he be wearing his wedding band?

Just what if...


Live and Learn the Hard Way said...

Don't let the what-ifs drive you crazy. There are no what ifs-- only what is. Hang in there.

Holly said...

No one can answer all those questions but I do know that Roger would have missed you just as much as you are missing him. And that's all that really matters and what it all really boils down to - the love that you BOTH shared.