Friday, November 13, 2009

I Didn't...

As many know, the day of the accident, Roger and I were on our way to the airport.
We were going to visit Virginia for my ten year high school reunion.
I was excited.
I was excited to say I was married and happy.
I was excited to say I had a good job with good money.
I was excited to say we had a nice house.
I was excited to see people I had not seen in nine to ten years.

The night before we left, I went to bed early.
I was tired from work and I wanted to be well rested for our trip.
Roger stayed up for a little while.
He was gearing up his iPod.
Downloading songs. Navigating all the features.
I had given it to him on his birthday.
He had not used it yet.
He never used it.

I remember when he came to bed.
I smiled at him.
I was very sleepy.
I rolled over to my side of the bed and went to sleep.
I didn't snuggle with him.

Like most couples, we would snuggle before we went to sleep.
Only for about five to ten minutes.
Then one or both of us would roll over to our respective sides and then go to sleep.

But that night.
I didn't.
We had a million other nights ahead of us.
Something Roger had reminded me of continuously through a relationship.
"It is okay if we do not to , we have time dear."
"Yes dear."

But we didn't have time.
At most we had around 1,000 potential nights together.
And on this last night, I didn't snuggle with him.

It really bothers me.
I have to continuously tell myself that I didn't know.
I did not know it would be the last night.
But it does not help that feeling.
The feeling that I missed an opportunity.
Among so many...

I didn't.

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