I cry.
The tears just fall.
The memories flood.
I cry just to cry.
It is like all the feelings I have been distracted from bubble up.
Deep from within me.
And sometimes I cannot stop it.
Like last night and into today.
But I do not want to call anyone.
I do not want to be with anyone.
I do not want to show anyone.
I just want to release these feelings.
Get them out of my body.
And then I find myself just awake.
In a way, I do not want to go to sleep.
I do not even fathom going to sleep until my eyes will not stay open anymore.
Until exhaustion has completely set in.
Then I go to my bed and just collapse.
I won't even wash my face.
Or brush my teeth.
Just collapse.
Snuggle under the covers.
Burrow into my pillow.
And cry.
3 comments:
I DETEST NOVEMBER.
with a fiery, muddy, yucky passion that is also ready for naptime.
YUCK.
{{hug}} to you while you're under there.
X
Supa
This month and the next are difficult for me (it will be 2 years in December).
I'm with you there sometimes .... in the wee hours of the night.
Next time I'm awake at that time I will think of you and pray that you are sleeping.
Janine
(((((Star))))) not sleeping is so difficult - it makes everything else even harder - your post resonates so much - I am a first time visitor to your blog. It will be 5 years next Saturday when my life changed forever. Holding you close in my thoughts - be gentle with yourself.
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