Friday, November 6, 2009

In the Wee Hours of the Night

When I am alone,
I cry.
The tears just fall.
The memories flood.

I cry just to cry.
It is like all the feelings I have been distracted from bubble up.
Deep from within me.

And sometimes I cannot stop it.
Like last night and into today.

But I do not want to call anyone.
I do not want to be with anyone.
I do not want to show anyone.

I just want to release these feelings.
Get them out of my body.

And then I find myself just awake.
In a way, I do not want to go to sleep.
I do not even fathom going to sleep until my eyes will not stay open anymore.
Until exhaustion has completely set in.
Then I go to my bed and just collapse.

I won't even wash my face.
Or brush my teeth.
Just collapse.
Snuggle under the covers.
Burrow into my pillow.
And cry.

3 comments:

Supa Dupa Fresh said...

I DETEST NOVEMBER.

with a fiery, muddy, yucky passion that is also ready for naptime.

YUCK.

{{hug}} to you while you're under there.

X

Supa

Janine (txmomx6) said...

This month and the next are difficult for me (it will be 2 years in December).
I'm with you there sometimes .... in the wee hours of the night.
Next time I'm awake at that time I will think of you and pray that you are sleeping.
Janine

Suzann said...

(((((Star))))) not sleeping is so difficult - it makes everything else even harder - your post resonates so much - I am a first time visitor to your blog. It will be 5 years next Saturday when my life changed forever. Holding you close in my thoughts - be gentle with yourself.