The Ring, Again

Over a month ago, I took my ring to be cleaned.

I am 99% sure my ring was fine when I handed it over.

When the jewelry store woman returned it to me, she made the comment, "Nice design. I love the smiley face."

"Thanks. What smiley face? I've never noticed a smiley face."

To my horror, one of my wedding band diamonds encircling my engagement diamond was missing.

I was shocked.

I know it was there five minutes before.

Jewelry store woman said it was like that when I gave it to her.

But thanks to a warranty on the ring and the diamonds, it would be replaced.

Yeah, replaced with a non-wedding band diamond.

Replaced with a diamond that has no sentimental value.

I tried explaining this to the jewelry store woman.

I do not think she really cared.

But yes, I wanted it replaced.

And it was.

But I lost one of the wedding band diamonds.

It was not just the monetary value I lost, it was more.

I was upset to say the least.

Now, I am scared to wear it.

Great... just great.

Another weird thing is when I do wear it, people have been noticing it.

And commenting.

Mostly just "nice ring" or "pretty ring" is what I hear.

And I mostly just say "Thanks" and keep moving especially with people I am never likely to see again like a cashier but also lately I have also been divulging information about the ring to classmates.

I guess I am kind of proud of it (?).

Of what it represents.

Of how I had a huge part in what it looks like.

But I before I just jump into "Oh, this is my engagement ring and wedding ring combined. See, my husband died and I wanted to keep wearing the ring but just not 'the' ring" I sort of pause but sort of not.

I try to judge if the person can handle hearing this story but only as I start to tell it.

The story almost falls automatically out of my mouth and then I hear the words coming out of my mouth and feel guilty and I want to stop.

But I cannot.

I stumble over each next word.

"Crap, now what will this person think?"

"Great, where will this go next?"

I should just say "Thanks" and keep moving.

I really should stop freaking people out.

What is this newish need to divulge again?

Agh...