Monday, November 16, 2009

Paranoia #459

Paranoia comes in a lot of forms for me.
I encounter it a lot while driving.
I guess that one is obvious.

And one that keeps bothering me in the last few days.
One that has been consuming some brain power...
What if my friends do not like Mr. X?
What if they are too scared to tell me?
Maybe they do not want to hurt me?
Perhaps they see that I am happy and do not want to disturb that?

It scares me a lot.
My friends are important to me.
And I want to be able to have both my friends and Mr. X.
To be able to hang out together.
To plan dinners together.
Game nights.
Beach days.
I do not want my friends to stop hanging out with me because of a guy.
And sometimes I think they are already doing this (thus the title of this blog).

I wonder if they would ever say something.
I wonder if they would see something I do not (not necessarily Mr. X but anyone).
I wonder if they would let me marry someone who they do not believe is the right person.

Just more of my paranoia...
More effects of the grief monster.
He has many disguises that do not disappear just because a year has gone by.

1 comment:

Mamie Hall said...

Bring him to NC, I'll be honest! :)