Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The 23rd

I try not to overanalyze.
I try not to connect imaginary dots with imaginary lines.
I try to be reasonable.
I try to be logical.
I really do try.

But sometimes smart people rationalize stupid things.
Roger read a whole book about this.
So I am trying not to do this.
I am trying hard not do this.
But... here it is.
Call me crazy.

My wedding anniversary is (was??) February 23rd.
The car accident was the day before our six month anniversary.
August 22nd.
I was really looking forward to August 23rd.
To say we made it six months.
To reflect.
To read our love letters.

Okay... so Mr. X and I met the first time on a 23rd.

Now, the crazy/weird/funny/illogical thing is that my counselor told me to be distracted on those days.
On the 22nd, 23rd, and 28th of each month. I really had a hard time with those dates at first.
My counselor told me to plan other events on those days so I did not have new dates to get stuck in my head.So she suggested to do something fun.
Have something to look forward to on those dates.
And when Mr. X and I decided to meet for the first time, he picked the date.
I did not even realize what the date was.
I realized it after the fact.
When I started to stick the date into memory.
[Important dates always get stuck in my head.]

Now please understand, I realize I am making a mountain out of nothing.
I realize I am trying to make meaning out of some sort of coincidence.
But I cannot help but think of it.
I cannot help to dwell on it a bit.
There have been some other coincidences too.
Nothing I can write about in a public forum but again I know I am being silly.
I am putting weird faith is weird things.
But the thing about people believing weird things, it is what usually helps them get through their days.
It is what helps them make sense out of chaos.
So maybe just maybe it is helping me get through my days.
Maybe just maybe it helps make some abstract life events seem normal.

And the cool thing is I know have a new reason to like the 23rd.
It is a day that a new life began.
Just like before.
Just like it sixteen months before.

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