[I wonder how many end in widow-dom?]
And the other day I got to thinking.
I was only married six months.
Six very short months.
We did not have a lot of time as a married couple.
How much marriage experience do I really have.
And then I thought:
Would we have made it?
Would we have been celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary someday? 50th?
We had done pre-marital counseling.
We had made a commitment to be in it forever.
But isn't that what everyone says?
I mean, I have some friends that have no problem getting married two or three times due to divorce.
They see no issue in this plan. They feel it is the American way.
I have some friends that have been married less than three years and have already threatened the big D.
But Roger and I said we would do whatever it took to make it work forever.
A very short forever of six months.
No matter what came up, we were going to work it out.
It was very ambitious of us.
And now I started thinking, would it have really worked?
Which 50% would we be in?
Would something have happened to change our feelings?
Would we have hated each other by year five?
I know I cannot ask "What if?"
It is not healthy.
It is silly.
And I sort of know where this idea is coming from.
I sort of know what is prompting this new self analysis.
It is from the myth that people only have one true love.
A very stupid myth.
Really? Just one person? Please...
Who made up that rule?
Probably the same person who said widows cannot date for the first year.
So as I am starting to explore my relationship with Mr. X, I am very happy with him.
He is different than Roger of course.
Very different in some aspects.
And I am really happy with these differences.
It is an internal battle right now.
Who was really the Mr. Right for me?
How could I love two guys who are very different than each other?
Was one love fake?
Maybe (quite possibly) I am overanalyzing things.
Maybe I am very different than I was.
And even more quite possibly, a person can truly love two very different people. Maybe even more if they had the chance and/or opportunity?
Maybe Roger was what I needed for the person I was then.
Maybe he prepared me for the next phase.
Maybe he had to happen in order for me to be fixed.
And maybe Mr. X is the person I need now.
Fix all my new issues.
Or maybe I am just insane.