Monday, May 11, 2009

Love Letter from Roger

One of the things I am super grateful for is a hand written love letter from Roger.
It was written in February 2007, a whole year before we were married.
We both wrote one to each other during our pre-cana (Catholic pre-marital counseling program) and it was to be read on our six month wedding anniversary, August 23, 2008 - the day after the accident.

Fortunately, I forgot them at home before we left for the airport that morning.
My original plan was for us to read them on Saturday at our hotel and go to a somewhat nice dinner (we would be in a very rural part of Virginia so our choices would be limited).
But when we got to the driveway that morning and we were already running a few minutes behind my self imposed schedule, I realized the letters were still in our safe.
Roger had put them there to keep me from being tempted to read them.  
I had the keys and all but it was a bit of a hassle.  
And I would probably get caught.  
And I never did read them until that Saturday at the hospital, not the nice bed and breakfast we were booked to be at.

So that morning standing in the driveway, I decided we would just read them upon returning on Monday.  
I would make his favorite meal or something and we would do something nice at home together.  
I am so grateful I left them at home.
They would have been ruined in the crash after the top was taken off the car in the rain.

I have not let very many people read this letter.
I did read it the first time next to Roger's hospital bed.
And I read my letter to him.
I now keep them both next to my bed.  
I read his to me every once in a while.

I want to share it now.
I want others to see how truly lucky I was.
How loved I was.
I will explain some inside jokes in brackets, bold, and italics.

"Dear Star, 
Today it brings me great joy in my heart for you to be reading this letter.  I know this means our relationship can only be getting stronger.  I know we have "deep discussions" [what Roger called our arguments] often which scares you [I hate fighting/conflict].  Now that you are reading this, you can see it was done all in love.  Understanding how you think & how you feel has only strengthened my love for you. 
These past years together (1.5 at time of writing, yes that was plural years)(and now another 1.5 years since writing this letter) have been the most wonderful of any. [I gave Roger a hard time in the beginning of our relationship because he always said we were together for years even when it was under a year.] I could not see myself living with and being with anybody else.  You often mentioned that I did not talk about you as I had other people.  I know this scared you.  I just want you to know that the feeling of complete comfort I had with you when we met, and will always have, was simply enough for me to know I was on the right path.  
It was a simpler yet the same message as that of Qi flowing through my body after communion.  There was no need to interpret the feelings.  There was no need to talk & process it out loud.  I just know you were my eternal love.   

I know our honeymoon was fabulous. And we should be on our way to buying that new larger home soon.  [We had not bought the new "our" house at this point.] My love in you can only grow exponentially stronger than the compound interest we have in our accounts.  

If you still haven't gotten the point of this letter (and look it's not electronic) [We emailed, texted, and IM-ed a lot!], quite simply I have one feeling for you.

I love you, 

On the next page he wrote:

"I love you, I love you, I love you [repeated eleven times]
love, love, love [repeated twenty-one times]
Did I mention the I love you part?
The I Do part.  No, this was not sarcasm Perhaps a small tribute to the summer school movie. I love you, you, you, you, and only you." [I really do not understand this part except that I always gave him a hard time about always being sarcastic with me]

It makes me cry every time.
His letter to me as seen was very sweet.
Very kind.
Very loving.  


J-in-Wales said...

That is beautiful, Star.

AndreaRenee said...

So beautiful.

Kimberly said...

He may have left you - but you were lucky enough to be loved by him.